I know ms. pac-man is special. she's fun, she's cute, she swallows.

Less Than Jake, one of the greatest bands to come out of Gainesville, is coming back to their hometown tomorrow to play at Common Grounds. I'm getting my tickets this afternoon since they will probably be sold out tomorrow, so anyone who loves them as much as I do should grab a ticket while they can.

In an unsurprising turn of events, Paris Hilton is already out of jail after only 3 days in her own private jail cell due to a "medical condition", and now she's simply on house arrest. Please tell me she got at least one beating or gangraping before she was released. Enjoy applying Swarovski crystals to your new ankle bracelet.

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip

to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who

were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,

but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily

tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, then kicked his bike over,

ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now,

back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."