man, i'm glad i called that guy

Facebook group of the week and month

I just discovered the most amazing web site for an up-and-coming atheist like myself. It's called MissPoppy.com, and they claim to "provide the finest alternative Christian products to the saved and unsaved alike. Shopping at MissPoppy.com is easy, fun, and eternally secure." My favorite products are the anti-masturbatory cream, the Jesus anti-smoking ashtrays and the Jesus action figure.

we can call it bromancing if it makes you feel better

Facebook application of the week (not sure if this will be a regular thing)

Complaint letter to Continental Airlines turns into a cautionary diatribe regarding the perils of seat # 29E

Oh fuck, NO!!!!!!!

we've got some very strong head winds, giggity

I guess today's celebrities have just forgotten that video cameras record their every move, and that the internet streams these activities to the entire world.

John Stamos making an ass of himself in Australia:


Paris Hilton smoking pot in Amsterdam:


50 Cent lip synching at the BET Awards:


I LOVE THE U.S.A.

let's not keep her waiting, she'll only perspire and alarm the neighborhood cats

Wait, Paris Hilton isn't hard-hitting news? Larry King is NOT gonna be happy about this.


You know what is news though....tractor fight!

that dude's gonna bang your sister, bro.

Upcoming Season Premieres:
June 28th: Burn Notice series premiere (USA)
July 13th: Psych season 2 (USA)
August 13th: Weeds season 3 (Showtime)
August 19th: Prison Break season 3 (Fox)
September 24th: Heroes season 2 (NBC)
September 27th: Supernatural season 3 (CW)
September 30th: Dexter season 2 (Showtime)
October 23rd: Nip/Tuck season 5 (FX)


Fans of Always Sunny on FX will notice that it's not going to be on the air in late-June as previously advertised. No worries; instead, season 3 will be premiering in September, with no exact date set. Keep me informed.

Creed Thoughts

I didn't even know Jesus was a smoker

well, it wasn't plan a, but it did the trick.

Anyone who knows competitive eating knows who Kobayashi is. Well, it would seem his time is at an end. His final battle will not be with Joey Chestnut, who outdid the Tsunami earlier this year by consuming almost 60 hot dogs. Rather, his showdown will be with jaw arthritis, a condition that has pretty much ruined any chances of him facing off again. You can find an article about it here, as well as look at a bunch of pretty symbols on Kobayashi's blog, Occupational Hazard.

Songs of the Moment:
The Almost- Say this Sooner
Sick Puppies- All the Same
Fiction Plane- Two Sisters
Paramore- Misery Business

Best of Conan Mix Tape:

we all hate you. also, some enraged farmer has stolen your wheelchair.

HOLY SHIT. Add this to the list of reasons why I will never go to Milwaukee:

Apparently not everyone was happy about the end of slavery. Find the story here.

i never smile if i can help it. showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates.

Most useful iPod accessory to date (thanks to JTMonz)

Let's hope he doesn't have to call upon the Green Dragon Zord

Other successful Power Rangers (note the red ranger's career)

Quite possibly my favorite character on The Office, Creed Bratton (fun fact: that's his real name):

butters, could you bring lemmiwinks over here for me please?

Anyone who watched the final episode of the Sopranos was left wondering what the fate of Tony Soprano was. Well, apparently David Chase gave us the answer and we didn't even know it. Check out this site and read the whole thing and it will be perfectly clear what the fate of the Soprano family was.

Best arcade basketball player ever:

i'm throwing seven different kinds of smoke!

I'm officially changing Fawbush's name to Dupree. This summer, he has chosen to "stay" at our apartment for what at first sounded like a couple days but now will be the remainder of the summer until his apartment is available.

Somehow though, in the few days he has been here, he has managed to unleash a wave of destruction on the 2300 building of Gainesville Place.

First, the flood. Not much more I can say about that.

Then, Stan (his dog). Not only should he not be here (Fawbush claims a couple of days for him too), but he has fleas. We've restricted him to Fawbush's room, but he still managed to shit all over the neighbors' apartment, which I must say was pretty funny.

Let's not forget the nudity. Whether it's walking into his room to find him spread-eagle naked on his bed, or him walking into your room using only his hands to cover up his nuggets. OR when his left nutsack finds it way above his belt but in front of his shirt.

Luckily, he still has yet to destroy our sweet fort, which you can see below. Armed with a big screen, beer fridge, pillows and shelves, living room forts don't get much better.

my ideal choice: jack bauer, but he is unavailable, fictional and overqualified

more upcoming movies:
sicko: june 29th
license to wed: july 3rd
war: august 24th
30 days of night: october 19th
american gangster: november 7th
mr. moratorium's wonder emporium: november 16th
leatherheads: december 7th
i am legend: december 14th
the incredible hulk: june 13th 2008

I want pretty much everything on this site in my apartment.

The panda dog (much thanks to Telfs):




Brits have no sense of humor

i wanna learn how to blow shit up with my mind

I guess I know how the victims of Hurricane Katrina feel now.

That's right, we did Lil' Wayne proud by literally making it rain in 2301.

Here's a tip: never play darts from across the apartment if there is a ceiling sprinkler in your line of fire. There's a good chance you will jettison one of those suckers through said sprinkler and find yourself in the most incredibly disastrous situation of your life.

Yep, WE FLOODED OUR APARTMENT.

In a matter of seconds, our apartment manifested a powerful rain storm that was completely unstoppable. And it went on for 40 minutes.

We opened the doors and dragged out the TV and electronics, then began sweeping out the pond that was quickly developing in our living room. Finally, the fire department came (3 fire engines, mind you) and hammered a wooden plank into the sprinkler, slowing the flow but still filling our apartment with water. 30 minutes later, Gainesville Place maintenance managed to get off their fat asses and actually turn off the water.

Luckily, my bedroom is right next to our malevolent sprinkler and quickly started flooding as well. I had to throw down every towel I owned, along with my comforter, to keep the water at bay.

An hour later, the carpet cleaning company came to start getting the water out of our apartment. As I sit here, three industrial fans are blowing on our carpet in a futile attempt to make our place livable. I'm so excited to start my homework now.

Here's some pictures of the destruction:

Our neighbors 20 seconds after walking into our apartment

What was once my bedroom
My fluffy car utilizing the sun's rays
The sprinkler that caused all the trouble
The fan that will be blowing all night as I try to sleep
The other fan that will be blowing all night, next to my bed

if i find a penny in there... i'm taking you down

Here's a great skit by Eric O'Shea where he gives his song recommendations for today's commercials.



You may remember this guy from his previous YouTube fame in The Evolution of Dance.

If you haven't checked out Google StreetView, you're missing out. Here's a site with the top 15 Google Street View sightings. May I recommend this one in particular.

i love this moment so much i want to have sex with it

Got to see LTJ last night and was not disappointed. Here's my buddy Dylan with vocalist and guitarist Chris Demakes, to whom he introduced himself with the wonderful catch phrase "delicious to meet you":
And here's me making an ass of myself in the mosh pit (I'm the guy in the creepy gorilla stance):
In case you were wondering, yes, they closed with "Gainesville Rock City". And if you're asking yourself what song that is, shoot yourself in the face immediately and then download it afterward.

sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing

I didn't think anyone was too dumb to serve a jail sentence until now. Paris Hilton made it 3 days until she had to be released for medical reasons, which as it turns out was a "stress-induced" HERPES OUTBREAK. I can't make this shit up, I'm not that creative. Seriously though, this story gets better, so read on.

Before even entering jail, she got owned by Sarah Silverman, and was overheard saying of Silverman, "She's a fucking bitch. I hate her." Nice comeback.

Oh yeah, and she got a cavity search. Owned.

So after being released, the plan was for her to finish her sentence in her Hollywood Hills home. Luckily, as it turns out there is a God, as well as a judge almost as cynical as yours truly.

Now, she's going back, first spending a few days at the luxurious Twin Towers medical facility (by luxurious, I mean it's a prison hospital). The best part was her screaming out "Mom! Mom!!" as she was escorted to the police cruiser.

Apparently, they will have to cancel the Paris Hilton release party they had planned for this weekend. Once again, I'm not making this up.

Check out the new background on my computer:


See, you soon, Nicole.

I know ms. pac-man is special. she's fun, she's cute, she swallows.

Less Than Jake, one of the greatest bands to come out of Gainesville, is coming back to their hometown tomorrow to play at Common Grounds. I'm getting my tickets this afternoon since they will probably be sold out tomorrow, so anyone who loves them as much as I do should grab a ticket while they can.

In an unsurprising turn of events, Paris Hilton is already out of jail after only 3 days in her own private jail cell due to a "medical condition", and now she's simply on house arrest. Please tell me she got at least one beating or gangraping before she was released. Enjoy applying Swarovski crystals to your new ankle bracelet.

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip

to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who

were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,

but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily

tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, then kicked his bike over,

ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now,

back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

chip, i'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

current high score: 19,300

If anyone hasn't seen Knocked Up yet, do yourself a favor and buy a movie ticket, you will not regret it. It could easily be the funniest movie you will see all year, with the possible exception of Superbad in August. Do yourself another favor and check out the Superbad restricted trailer on their website, then you will understand how ridiculously funny this movie is going to be.

Also great: The Hater's Guide to Summer Fun, because I am Fla-Vor-Ice's biggest fan, enjoying one of their fine products as we speak.

the only thing regarded worse than a yank around here are coppers and journalists

Last time I checked, tennis is supposed to be exercise, right? So what the hell is going on here? I thought Venus was supposed to be the heavier of the Williams sisters, but Serena is looking like an extra from the "Tip Drill" music video. I'm fairly sure she could make it clap.

This cat (the "Ashera") costs $22,000. Riiiiiight.

Anyone having trouble finding the torrents they need? Well, you're welcome.

Found an amazing video of a minor league baseball coach expressing his displeasure with an umpire in the most creative fashion ever. You think he's done, and then it just gets better.

you're off the edge of the map, mate. here there be monsters

So, I'm confused. Is Billy Donovan staying or not? I could swear he signed a 5-year contract, but ESPN is saying he's having second thoughts.

There is something horribly wrong with this world. Best Week Ever showed a video from Sunset Tan this week and it literally made me want to call Child Services on this mother. Check it out for yourself, and make sure to follow along with the footnotes.

I personally didn't catch the MTV Movie Awards, but I did find this little gem. For those of you who don't know Sarah Silverman, she is the embodiment of what women should strive to become. She tore Paris Hilton a new one with Paris sitting in the audience- the reaction shots are priceless.

you ever notice how all the prices end in nine? damn, that's eerie

For any UF students not afraid of the theater:
I just got back from campus today after checking out the current performance going on at the Constans Theater: The Complete Works of Shakespeare Abridged. I gotta say, I was thoroughly impressed. In 90 minutes, they managed to compact 37 Shakespeare plays, as well as modernize it effectively and bring the audience into play (the theater seats barely over 100). Othello was performed as a rap despite the actors referring to themselves as "honkies" and Hamlet was shortened from a 20-minute play to a 2-minute play to a 4-second play, and then reversed. The audience participation was pretty cool too. I was forced to get on stage and run back and forth to emulate Othelia's ego from a scene in Hamlet. Othelia was played by another audience member who's only job was to scream.

After the show I managed to get an interview with Bryant Smith, Robert Smith (no relation) and Matthew Lindsay, the three performers for the Sunday performance. They perform nightly shows, matinees and midnight showings which are less reserved, at one point focusing on Matthew's "fetishes". I highly recommend going to this show, it was incredibly entertaining and will be playing all summer, though they are taking a 2-week break for the release of Our Town.

when you're pushed, killin's as easy as breathin'

OH.MY. GOD.
Rambo IV, aka John Rambo, is on its way, and it looks brutally violent. Like old school violent. And it's gonna be wonderful. First posted by AICN, this video was actually released by Stallone himself, and the article alone is worth a read. Here's the video anyway:


WARNING: MAKE SURE YOU'VE GONE TO THE BATHROOM RECENTLY, AS THERE IS A DECENT CHANCE YOU WILL CRAP YOUR PANTS.

I learned improv from the greats, like drew carey and ryan stiles

My buddy Matt Metz, along with some of his friends, made themselves a YouTube video filmed at Reitz Union for a sketch comedy contest. They're counting on everyone's votes to help them advance, so if you think they're good, give them five stars. They've even made a facebook group for the contest which can be found here.

Sketchies - "DDR".