today is thursday, but dwight thinks that it's friday..and that's what i'll be working on this afternoon

Girolle? Spelling bees are tough.


Celebrity New Year's Resolutions


Another Livin' 'Neath the Law with Jack McBrayer


Top 10 Worst Realtor Headshots

you're the adam sandler of this house, and nobody wants punch-drunk love. just give us waterboy.

RANDOM PICTURE DAY

guns don't kill people, but they sure help

Travis Barker (Blink-182) does his version of "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy


"TEETH tells the story of High school student Dawn (Jess Weixler), who works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group’s most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad’s (John Hensley) increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth."


"This took a heck of a lot of work, and is dedicated to those who told me I have too much time on my hands in my 200 impressions video - this goes to prove you right! Wait... oh well."
There's a good chance you will have no idea what is going on in this video until it reaches 1:20, but then you will realize that this guy is pretty badass.

this is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet

Spiders on Drugs


In 2007:


Epic Halo 3 Suicide


How to download anything - surprisingly, I was already doing the right stuff

How many Five-Year-Olds Could You Take in a Fight?

Sad jokes

Watermelon carvings

Most expensive legal pets

10 Yiddish expressions you should know

Top 6 Bizarre Online Gaming Incidents

Awesome umbrella I want to own

Ring clock

thundercats are go!

The Truth About Chuck Norris: a book that every man should own
...but apparently Chuck isn't too happy about it.

Ebay isn't just great for buying stuff, now you can mess with your friends.

If you thought it was creepy that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant before, check this shit out.

Anyone curious as to what the Cloverfield monster might look like? Well here's one possibility.
Oh, and for anyone who hasn't seen the badass trailer yet, here you go.

Screw guard dogs, I'm getting one of these to protect my house.

So, it turns out tony Parker wasn't lying.

Facebook News Feed of the Worst Day Ever.

The Defarted


The R-rated trailer forSemi-Pro, which comes out Feb. 29th (Leap Day).


Nascar coach reveals winning strategy

you don't have to look like a criminal to live like one

FUNNY OR DIE DAY

Over the past year, a new Web site has emerged that has reinvented comedy as we know it. Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, two fairly well-known names in the comedy world, started their own YouTube-esque comedy site call Funny or Die. The site has generated enormous buzz in Hollywood, with their first video "The Landlord", generating over 50 million views. Users are welcome to submit their own material, but a number of celebrities have also joined in on the fun, posting some pretty hilarious stuff. Check out a sample:

"Green Team" starring Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and John C. Reilly


The one that started it all - "The Landlord" starring Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and his baby daughter Pearl

Livin' 'Neath the Law with Jack McBrayer (any other fans of 30 Rock?)


"Good Copy, Baby Cop" starring Will Ferrell, Adam McKay and Pearl


MTV's "The Hills" re-enacted by James Franco and Mila Kunis


"Zombie-American: Chapter One" starring Ed Helms (The Office)


"Backlash" starring Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Justin Long, Craig Robinson and Judd Apatow

what did your mother mean when she said you were a beautiful genius? ...was she taunting you?

LINK DAY

The 9 Manliest Names on Earth, according to Cracked

The 5 Pimpingest Historical Figures, also according to Cracked

Wolf boy on the loose in Moscow - better to be raised by wolves than Britney Spears

For the man who has everything - a few cool new inventions to make your life easier (like the transparent toaster)

When Will Amy Winehouse Die? Predict the date and time and you could win a free iPod Touch!

The Bible According to Google Earth - "satellite" images of some memorable Biblical moments

Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2007, with commentary, work unsafe pictures and links to the film clips (18+, in case you hadn't figured that out already)

Maddox shares some subtle advice about fashion, and by subtle I mean incredibly rude.

The Daily Coyote - a girl in Wyoming finds a coyote pup whose parents were shot for killing sheep, so she decides to raise him on her own, chronicling it in her blog.

Sprout - crazy puzzle game that will frustrate and then entertain you

National Geographic International Photography Contest Winners - four photographers are chosen from 148,203 images submitted to the International Photography Contest

when you and me have kids, we're gonna give 'em good names like shannon or rick

There's a new made-for-TV movie coming out on NBC in February based on a show some of you may remember if you experienced the '80s (sorry, any girl I've dated). Which show might that be? KNIGHT RIDER. That's right, KITT is back, and he's even more pimp than ever.
However, instead of a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am, viewers will be treated to a 2008 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR (no idea what the KR stands for...oh wait, it probably stnads for Knight Rider). Here are some extra sweet pictures of the car I will own when I become a television exec (just kidding, I'll probably just find a way to steal it).
-----
This movie looks like it could be the shit, but then again, it could be all this black tar heroin I've been shooting up. Anyway, Wall-E is about a robot (Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class) with too much time on his hands, who suddenly discovers he has an important purpose. Once again, Pixar has mindfucked me with their fancy computer tricks.

i like to walk around my house naked, to remind my oldest son who’s still got the biggest ding-dong

Hayes officially has a new favorite singer, and his name is Jon LaJoie. After hearing only two of his YouTube classics, I'm an instant fan. And here they are:

The "2 Girls 1 Cup" song:


Everyday Normal Guy: a new spin on the rapper stereotype

for such a neat monster i'm making an awfully big mess

James Franco is either my new favorite comedian, or my new favorite stoner, because this is one of the best interviews I've seen in years.

no, he's going to be the best...if they don't destroy him first

Finals are over. I have no more excuses, so here's the first of many posts you'll be seeing in the month of December. Some of these videos are a little old, I've had them stocked up in the archives for just this occasion.

Trailer for Speed Racer, which is practically guaranteed to be the best movie of 2008:


Extended trailer for I Am Legend, in case anyone was curious as to what this movie is really about. It looks sweet and I will probably be viewing it in theaters.


And the final trailer, this one for Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, which hits theaters at some random time next year (my guess is April 20th), not to mention looks like it's gonna be fucking outstanding. Anyone who can't handle bad words should cover their ears after they hit the play button, this bad boy is R-rated. And yes, I know I posted the trailer earlier, but this one is manlier (oh, did I mention the beautiful bare female ass in it too?), so deal with it.


Try again Bob Lamey


Amazing To Catch a Predator parody with a hilarious finish.


What's that Jason Bateman? An Arrested Devleopment movie? Well, I was wrong; in fact there is a God, and he loves me with all his heart.



My future wife

the only reason that you're conscious right now is because i don't want to carry you

24: Day 7 Trailer

ooh, pepper jack loves fraggle rock

Daniel Tosh shares his thoughts on Kobe Bryant and basketball


The Beer Pong Anthem (absolutely outstanding)


GO GO POWER RANGERS!


Jim Carrey on Letterman doing a spot-on impression of David Caruso's character on CSI: Miami

oh my god, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date

From www.wwtdd.com:
"Jerry Lewis is still alive and hosting that dopey Labor Day telethon apparently, and this weekend he raised more money than ever. 63 million dollars. And it's easy to see why in this clip, as the silver tongued devil stumbles around and rambles incoherently, then calls someone an 'illiterate faggot'. Which isn't surprising because it's like that with all old people."
Most awkward clip ever. Enjoy.


Seth McFarlane kicked in the nuts

oh sorry, i wasn't paying attention 'cause i was straight-up jammin' on this p'zone

SNL Digital Short starring my man-crush Andy Samberg


Another amazing SNL clip: The 2007 National Douchebag Championships

alright lee, time to become an american hero

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are, alongside the road, and slowly the driver gets out of the car. As stressed as I already was, I was in for an amazing surprise.
The guy opens the door, steps out, and it turns out he's a dwarf!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
And that's when the fight started..

An amazing Windows program you probably never even knew you had:


A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you,"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just About everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."

---------------------------------------------------

A nun walked into Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family.""It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So your day of recreation was not relaxing?""Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!""Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother.

A 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life.

The sweetest swing I ever made....it was flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hit a bird in mid-flight, not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and ran off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother Superior."But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "I was so proud of myself!

While I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swooped down, grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched in the squirrel's paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "....as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right on the green.

The ball popped out of the squirrel's paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup! "Mother Superior sat abruptly back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..."You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

---------------------------------------------
Other great college student test answers:

if i wasn't from jamaica, then why would i be wearing this hat?

Buy for Hayes



I don't know if everyone will agree with me on this, but personally I think SNL has been getting better lately. After watching last night's episode I found myself surprisingly amused and not frustrated at all with the skits. Here are a few examples, judge it for yourself:

A Message from Kevin Federline


"Really?!?!" with Seth and Amy, a segment from Weekend Update

arrested for what, baby? being awesome?

Two of the funniest videos you will watch all week.

1. Upon your 100th viewing of this video, you will still be laughing:



2. I am never fighting a giraffe:

you're not mutation, you are evolution

A series of escalating pranks at the College Humor offices, with an outstanding finish (make sure to watch the last one):

Prank War 1: Audio Prank on Amir


Prank War 2: Streeter's Big Date


Prank War 3: Andy Bloom Makes an Appearance


Prank War 4: Streeter Bombs


Prank War 5: Amir's Big Break with Human Giant


Prank War 6: The Yankee Prankee

you can't miss the bear

Dane Cook sings! (someone please stop him!)

Leave Chris Crocker alone! (an amazing parody by Seth Green)


for those who truly wanna be ready for Halo 3 on the 25th

we're sorta like 7-eleven. we're not always doing business, but we're always open

stay tuned:
movies:
shoot 'em up: september 7th
resident evil: extinction: september 21st
across the universe: september 28th
hitman: october 12th
30 days of night: october 19th
saw iv: october 26th
american gangster: november 7th
fred claus: november 9th
mr. moratorium's wonder emporium: november 16th
leatherheads: december 7th
juno: December 14th
-another article about Juno
i am legend: december 14th
national treasure 2: december 21st
avp 2: december 28th
tv:
September 10th: Family Guy season 5 (Fox)
- note: I'm still checking the validity on this. AOL TV has it listed for 9:30 p.m. on Sept. 10th but my DVR shows no Family Guy episodes. We'll see on Monday.
September 13th It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 3 (FX)
September 17th: Prison Break season 3 (Fox)
September 17th: K-Ville series premiere (Fox)
September 19th: Kid Nation series premiere (CBS)
September 24th: Heroes season 2 (NBC)
September 24th: Chuck series premiere (NBC)
September 25th: House season 4 (Fox)
September 26th: Bionic Woman series premiere (NBC)
September 27th: The Office season 4 (NBC)
September 30th: Dexter season 2 (Showtime)
September 30th: American Dad season 4 (Fox)
October 4th: Supernatural season 3 (CW)
October 23rd: Nip/Tuck season 5 (FX)
October 25th: Scrubs season 7 (NBC)
music (new releases):
kanye west- graduation
blaqk audio- cexcells
cartel- self-titled

videos:
Miss South Carolina dials 911 (thanks to JTMonz):


The bigger the geek, the sicker the beat; Ronald Jenkees can lay down a hot track:


Arrested Development and NFL fans will appreciate this remix:


Soccer hooligan gets a taste of police brutality, then police get a taste of soccer hooligan brutality:

it's an amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence

Today's Stumble sites:

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Most ridiculous watches I've ever seen

How to make child abuse funny

The bulletproof baby stroller, promotional video included

Crazy flash music application that will entertain you for 4 minutes

Extreme shadow puppets

Samuel L. Jackson: The Comeback

he must have thought it was white boy day. it ain't white boy day, is it?

How to Close a Bag of Chips Without a Chip Clip


Trailer for AVP2, a.k.a. Alien Vs. Predator - Requiem (R-Rated)

why did we go to costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you're not gonna use them?

Miss South Carolina is dumb:


The Angry Video Game Nerd is chronologically confused about bad movie and video game sequel titles (harsh language):


Remind me not to read this to any of my illegitimate kids:

you think i like avoiding my wife and kids to hang out with nineteen year old girls every day?

Amazing new culinary show: Dane Cooks! With guest star Chris Rock


The $500,000 bottle of beer; kind of makes you feel cheap for bitching about that Yuengling keg

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that is never empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."

to be in a dry spell you had to have been in a wet spell

Where's Waldo: this time it's not for kids anymore. Funniest thing you'll see all week.


A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
"Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of an ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

north korea and al qaeda working together...this is bigger than i thought

The only way to find out your TPS

HAROLD AND KUMAR ARE BACK! (sometime in 2008, my guess is April 20th)


If business meetings were more like internet forums:



SNL Digital Short: Business Time featuring Rainn Wilson

gilberto do piento, your party is waiting for you

coolest trees ever

Celebrity Stuff:

Michael Vick's $63 billion lawsuit (see the hand-written lawsuit here)

Celebrities as kids

Why I love Anne Hathaway

Why I love Anna Faris

Why I love Bruce Willis

Celine Dion's gender-confusing son

Cindy Crawford's gender-confusing son

New Star Trek movie directed by J.J. Abrams, possibly starring this guy and this guy

Awkward Video of the Week


Dryer Prank Gone Awry

did i ask for nutshelling?

Porn stars read Shakespeare

How To Stop a Kitten Fight

hey, what do you think is better: "jesus say relax" or "i'm too sexy for my lord"?

Links

Weirdest shit you'll ever see on Google Earth

I just can't get tired of giant robot movies

Apparently 50 Cent has been reading my letters

Videos

"Whatever bitch, get me a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries"


Minesweeper: The Movie


A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searches for someone who could give him the time.
He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. "Excuse me, sir," says the young man "Do you know what time it is?"
The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his balls and starts playing with them.
"Mmmmm, it is about 2:00," the zoo keeper responds.
The young man looks at him in awe, "How did you know that?" The zoo keeper looks back at the man, "I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you."

A college philosophy professor, who was known to be a bit of an eccentric, decided to have only one question on his final exam. The professor picked up his chair and set it down on top of his desk, and asked the class to write an essay proving that the chair did not exist.
After a few moments, one student stood up and handed in his essay.
The answer read, "What chair?"

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

The student got an A.

i am mclovin

"Penis Drawings": amazing unedited clip from Superbad, coming out August 17th


...and the R-rated trailer as well, just so you know how intensely incredible this movie will be.

it's a black...tank

Preview for The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins:

Only one more year

funny, she doesn't look druish

"Mr. Brightside" A Capella

All the Grooviest Online Video in One Place, GroovyGrooves.com

go ninja, go ninja, go

Best movie music sequence ever?

...her?

transformer shoes

Chris Hansen, host of To Catch a Predator, gets the tables turned on him by the Opie and Anthony show


An Opie and Anthony fan who saw the show gets busted by Chris Hansen with a bag of weed, and tells him how much he enjoyed Hansen's interview

you're the man now, dawg

Women: Know Your Limits


Game of the week: Faceball

Ridiculously sweet new Mustang concept...thank you Italy

MY NEXT CAR

well, that one was a freebie

Links

My new reason for living

My new favorite Lindsay Lohan picture...make sure to scroll down

Hangover remedies

McDonald's menu items from around the world

Annoying clock

Black people love us!

Sweet new Dodge Challenger with unnecessary countdown

Ridiculous real life sea monsters

People with too much time on their hands

Videos

The Late Show hosted by Homer Simpson


Something a little more sentimental, this is a video about a cat with crazy legs


The original Super Mario racing


Crazy laser tricks

she turns illusions for money...tricks.

Anyone else already in love with VH1's new celebreality spin-off Rock of Love? Because I seriously think it has more potential than anything VH1 has ever produced. Here's the premise: Bret Michaels, lead vocalist for the rock band Poison, is put in a house with a couple dozen slutty rocker chicks who are all fighting for his affection.

Also, most of them are either strippers, alcoholics, gold-diggers, or in at least one lucky instance, short-lived internet porn stars.

Personally, I just can't wait for VH1 to pick the amazing star to complete this love trilogy. I'm thinking Dustin Diamond in Screech of Love.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Fear the gay chicken

50 craziest celebrity baby names (personal favorite: Kal-El Coppola Cage)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Skittles Touch - the darkest/funniest Skittles commercial I've ever seen

he's out. and you're out, too. and i dont think i'm in either. no gang!

I know everyone is probably planning on seeing The Simpsons Movie over the next week, but don't forget about the movies without billion-dollar advertising budgets too, like the new movie Sunshine by the genius Danny Boyle(Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) . Find a theater where it is showing and check it out, I highly doubt you will regret your decision:


------------------------------------------------------------------

Astronauts are the new pilots

Don't mess with Gainesville Panera managers

…and then your mommy said, 'just do it already!', which was very confusing to daddy, so i took the most literal translation

StumbleVideo: In Context by Field Music


Another amazing music video, this time it's You Are Boring the Shit Out of Me by The Hanslick Rebellion (thanks to Neil):


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ultimate List of Upcoming Movies (sequels in red):
the simpsons movie: tomorrow
sunshine:tomorrow
the bourne ultimatum: august 3rd
superbad: august 17th
rescue dawn: august 23rd
war: august 24th
halloween: august 31st
hatchet: september 7th
shoot 'em up: september 7th
mr. woodcock: september 14th
into the wild: september 21st
resident evil: extinction: september 21st
across the universe: september 28th
the assassination of jesse james by...: october 5th
hitman: october 12th
30 days of night: october 19th
dan in real life: october 19th
saw iv: october 26th
american gangster: november 7th
fred claus: november 9th
mr. moratorium's wonder emporium: november 16th
the mist: november 21st
leatherheads: december 7th
national treasure 2: december 21st
i am legend: december 14th
avp 2: december 28th
-----------------2008--------------------
the darjeeling limited: january 8th
fanboys: january 18th
be kind rewind: january 24th
strange wilderness: january 25th
the eye: february 1st
definitely, maybe: february 14th
jumper: february 15th
the spiderwick chronicles: february 15th
10,000 B.C.: march 7th
iron man: may 2nd
speed racer: may 9th
chronicles of narnia 2: may 16th
indiana jones 4: may 23rd
the incredible hulk: june 13th
get smart: june 20th
the mummy 3: july 11th

if something doesn't happen soon, i'm just gonna pack up my balls and leave

Wes Anderson, the guy who made The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Rushmore and Bottle Rocket, has written and directed a new movie called The Darjeeling Limited. Starring Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman and supposedly Natalie Portman, this movie looks both completely ridiculous and possibly brilliant. It's coming to theaters January 8th. Here's the trailer:


A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old."
The husband replies, What did he say about your 55 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.

pop secret? is oscar my real father?!?

CBS has once again proven that it has absolutely no taste in choosing quality programming (shut up CSI fans). Now what am I supposed to do on Thursday nights?

Related Stumble site of the day: Pirate Pick-Up Lines ( Arrrrrrrrrrre you free on Saturday?)

Beyonce decided to own herself on stage last night in Orlando, and she fell HARD. The videos that Sony hasn't already forced people to remove are just terrific, so check this one out while you still have a chance:

did doogie houser just steal my fucking car?

My new favorite prank: The Invisible Rope


Rejected WiiPlay games (personal favorite: WiiPii):


Got this from the Dad, it's a surprisingly witty Newt Gingrich using some great analogies to prove the inefficiency of our government.

when this all gets sorted out, i think you and me should get an apartment together

I spent a good half-hour reading this, and probably half the guys who take a look will do the same. This is a list of 100 female teachers who had sex with their students, pictures included. And let me tell you, some of these teachers should be getting awards instead of jail sentences. Others just deserve the jail sentence.

Favorites:
Amy McElhenny
Angela Comer
Carol Flannigan
Christine Scarlett
Deborah Reeder
Debra LaFave (clearly)
Franca and Antonia Munoz-Juvera
Joan Marie Sladky
Melinda Deluca
Nicole Long
Pamela Smart (clearly)
Rebekah Todd
Teresa Engelbach
Toni Lynn Woods

Need to learn some creative new ways to open a beer bottle? These guys will show you how it's done:


Breakfast of Champions

plus she's religious...if that one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant

Check out the ridiculously cool-looking trailer (in high definition) for 10,000 B.C., coming to theaters on March 7th.

Here's the crappier YouTube version for you lazy fucks too.


There were three men, Dave, John and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died.
As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."
St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge."
Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon."
St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying.
"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."

yeah, she was adorable...fuckin' bitch

Inmate Thriller


Dating Service Video Gone Awry

i don't know if you heard me counting, i did over a thousand

Facebook Off, from the creators of Facebook and the movie Face/Off


Babies Eating Lemons


Falcor the Urinator, a parody of Trogdor the Burninator from Homestar Runner

digital gold cascades from our square bladders

Nesting, starring my roommate Jasper Casidino


Two blondes,Sally and Nicky, walk into a bar. They each order a drink, and sit down at a table.
They raise a toast, and start cheering, "51 days! 51 days!" After a few minutes, another blonde walks in, Beth, and joins the first two.
They again cheer, "51 days! 51 days!" A few minutes later, a 4th blonde, Melissa, walks in carrying a what looks like a cardboard picture.
She joins the other 3 girls, and toasts as well, chanting "51 days! 51 days!"
The bartender, who's extremely curious, wants to find out. He walks up to the girls and asks what the cheering is all about.
Sally holds up the cardboard picture, which turns out to be a 12 piece puzzle of the Cookie Monster, and says "Everyone says blondes are dumb. Well we proved them wrong! This puzzle says 2-4 years on the box, and we finished it in 51 days!"

neil, i wanna party with you!

Everyone who saw Transformers in theaters was also treated to something extra in the trailers, that being a new movie by J.J. Abrams coming out on January 18, 2008.

So far, the movie is being called "Cloverfield", though the official name is supposed to be released at San Diego's ComicCon, leading many to believe that this movie will be comic book-related.

For those that have not seen the trailer, here it is anyhow, and I guarantee most of you will go to see this, especially you Lost fanatics out there.


I gotta give Nick Lachey credit here, he certainly mastered the art form of avoiding an awkward question.