now that's how you get pink eye

4000 HITS DAY

A man met a beautiful blonde woman and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
"But we don't know anything about each other," she said.
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two-and-a-half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
"That was incredible!" the woman said.
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After 75 lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said, "I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi."

This just in: I finally have respect for Tobey Maguire. I mean, yes, Spider-Man 1 and 2 were amazing, but for some reason he still looks like a preemy to me. His verbal annoyance and succinctness with the paparazzi was one of the most impressive acts I've seen this week. And who can blame him: I'm fairly sure it's not legal to stand in front of a car and flash a bright light at it repeatedly, but then again I haven't taken my driver's test since I was 16. Be warned, the language is not what I would classify as "G-Rated", unless you're one of Samuel L. Jackson's kids. (source: wwtdd)