Cat Drifting
Marry me, Sarah Silverman (Language is highly inappropriate and political in nature, so check yourself before you wreck yourself)
The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.
The Food Network is comprised of some sneaky SOBs
9.30.2008
9.24.2008
if god dropped acid, would he see people?
Construct your own evil plan!
I think a lot of today's celebrities are leading double lives, or at least moonlighting
Trailer for Charlie Kaufman's new film, Synecdoche, New York (definition of synecdoche)
You know it's a good hit when you throw up your lemon-lime gatorade
This is why you should be watching Always Sunny, or not be watching it
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia - It's All About Poop
I hate when people are racist towards me in the elevator (18+ for language)
I think a lot of today's celebrities are leading double lives, or at least moonlighting
Trailer for Charlie Kaufman's new film, Synecdoche, New York (definition of synecdoche)
You know it's a good hit when you throw up your lemon-lime gatorade
This is why you should be watching Always Sunny, or not be watching it
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia - It's All About Poop
I hate when people are racist towards me in the elevator (18+ for language)
9.21.2008
who wants a body massage?
RANDOM VIDEO DAY
Will Ferrell answers some unfiltered fan mail, hilarity ensues
Pencil Face will haunt your dreams...thanks a lot SCAD
GI Joe PSA Compilation
Check out some fairly common skateboarding tricks at 120 frames per second (trust me, it's cooler this way).
My hero Joel McHale tries to explain the mystery that is Spaghetti Cat
Slow-motion lightning is super trippy, and drugs are bad (unrelated)
The Evil Kangaroo is just one more reason I'm frightened of Europeans
Will Ferrell answers some unfiltered fan mail, hilarity ensues
See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die
Pencil Face will haunt your dreams...thanks a lot SCAD
GI Joe PSA Compilation
Check out some fairly common skateboarding tricks at 120 frames per second (trust me, it's cooler this way).
My hero Joel McHale tries to explain the mystery that is Spaghetti Cat
Slow-motion lightning is super trippy, and drugs are bad (unrelated)
The Evil Kangaroo is just one more reason I'm frightened of Europeans
9.20.2008
fleece it out
LINK DAY
Forgetting Sarah Marshall Jonah Hill outtakes
Presto in HD
Top 10 greatest stoner movies
Holy crap this guy can dance...or at least do whatever it is he does
10 things to look forward to this college football season...prepare for sarcasm
Ron White takes a damn good mug shot
If you ever wake up in this place after a heavy night of drinking, prepare to be totally freaked out
Photos that changed the world...mostly
Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, Sean Penn and James Franco will make Milk one of the best movies of the year
Don't even try to Google Chuck Norris
icanhasacheezburger.com gets some new fuel
The new James Bond theme, composed by Jack White and featuring Alicia Keys
The Line Game will steal your soul as well as too much of your time
Here's a way for you to add more cowbell and Christopher Walken to your music in case you find this joke to still be relevant
Frame captures of the many movies that The Simpsons has parodied in its 19 years on the air
Forgetting Sarah Marshall Jonah Hill outtakes
Presto in HD
Top 10 greatest stoner movies
Holy crap this guy can dance...or at least do whatever it is he does
10 things to look forward to this college football season...prepare for sarcasm
Ron White takes a damn good mug shot
If you ever wake up in this place after a heavy night of drinking, prepare to be totally freaked out
Photos that changed the world...mostly
Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, Sean Penn and James Franco will make Milk one of the best movies of the year
Don't even try to Google Chuck Norris
icanhasacheezburger.com gets some new fuel
The new James Bond theme, composed by Jack White and featuring Alicia Keys
The Line Game will steal your soul as well as too much of your time
Here's a way for you to add more cowbell and Christopher Walken to your music in case you find this joke to still be relevant
Frame captures of the many movies that The Simpsons has parodied in its 19 years on the air
9.19.2008
what's more important to you, a cat's feelings or your son's feelings?
Just for future reference, this is the schedule of my life for the next couple months; let's call it my hibernation from social interaction. I pray to you, DVR gods, do not let me down.
TV SCHEDULE
(Premiere) (Time)
Sunday
True Blood (Sept. 7) - 9:00
Entourage (Sept. 7) - 10:00
Dexter (Sept. 28) - 9:00
Family Guy (Sept. 28) - 9:00
American Dad (Sept. 28) - 9:30
Californication (Sept. 28) - 10:00
The Unit (Sept. 28) - 10:00
Monday
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Sept. 8) - 8:00
How I Met Your Mother (Sept. 22) - 8:30
Heroes (Sept. 22) - 9:00
Chuck (Sept. 29) - 8:00
Tuesday
Fringe (Sept. 9) - 8:00
House (Sept. 16) - 9:00
The Mentalist (Sept. 23) - 9:00
Wednesday
Knight Rider (Sept. 24) - 8:00
Pushing Daisies (Oct. 1) - 8:00
Thursday
Always Sunny (Sept. 18) - 10:00
Supernatural (Sept. 18) - 9:00
The Office (Sept. 25) - 9:00
30 Rock (Oct. 30) - 9:30
Saturday
SNL (Sept. 13) - 11:30
SESAME STREET DAY
The Sesame Street writers have some twisted minds.
MOP's "Ante Up", as performed by Bert 'n' Ernie
TV SCHEDULE
(Premiere) (Time)
Sunday
True Blood (Sept. 7) - 9:00
Entourage (Sept. 7) - 10:00
Dexter (Sept. 28) - 9:00
Family Guy (Sept. 28) - 9:00
American Dad (Sept. 28) - 9:30
Californication (Sept. 28) - 10:00
The Unit (Sept. 28) - 10:00
Monday
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Sept. 8) - 8:00
How I Met Your Mother (Sept. 22) - 8:30
Heroes (Sept. 22) - 9:00
Chuck (Sept. 29) - 8:00
Tuesday
Fringe (Sept. 9) - 8:00
House (Sept. 16) - 9:00
The Mentalist (Sept. 23) - 9:00
Wednesday
Knight Rider (Sept. 24) - 8:00
Pushing Daisies (Oct. 1) - 8:00
Thursday
Always Sunny (Sept. 18) - 10:00
Supernatural (Sept. 18) - 9:00
The Office (Sept. 25) - 9:00
30 Rock (Oct. 30) - 9:30
Saturday
SNL (Sept. 13) - 11:30
SESAME STREET DAY
The Sesame Street writers have some twisted minds.
MOP's "Ante Up", as performed by Bert 'n' Ernie
9.17.2008
a lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage
JOKE DAY
Please, try not to be offended and/or a douche.
----------------
A Mexican guy, black guy, and an Asian guy are all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about the day’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.
He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately got to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work" to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work" to the black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
-------------
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
------------
A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."
------------
A six-year old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it’s about time we started cussing. The four-year-old nods his head in approval. The six-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.'" The four-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the four-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
I don’t know, he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!"
Please, try not to be offended and/or a douche.
----------------
A Mexican guy, black guy, and an Asian guy are all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about the day’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.
He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately got to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work" to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work" to the black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
-------------
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
------------
A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."
------------
A six-year old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it’s about time we started cussing. The four-year-old nods his head in approval. The six-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.'" The four-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the four-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
I don’t know, he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!"
9.16.2008
i can read minds, but i'm illiterate
Not all audiences appreciate Zach Galifianakis the way I do. Uploaded by the man himself.
If you don't think this is cute, you are going to Hell.
Nice try, news anchors. Lucky for us ignorant voters, Jon Stewart has your number.
See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die
If you don't think this is cute, you are going to Hell.
Nice try, news anchors. Lucky for us ignorant voters, Jon Stewart has your number.
9.10.2008
if you keep talking to your weapon like it's trim, everybody's gonna know you're a total psycho
How to win a fight against 20 children. Because you never know.
The new phenomenon sweeping the nation: miniature rainbows!
Everything is more awesome in Slo-Mo, especially punches to the face.
Ever wonder what goes through a guy's mind wile he sits in class?
The new phenomenon sweeping the nation: miniature rainbows!
Everything is more awesome in Slo-Mo, especially punches to the face.
Ever wonder what goes through a guy's mind wile he sits in class?
9.09.2008
admission covers the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge!
Redband (18+) trailer for Kevin Smith's new film Zack and Miri Make a Porno, starring Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, and a shit-ton of awesome cameos.
9.04.2008
a severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer
Kermit + Christian Bale = Kermit Bale
Porno titles that should exist, but don't
The two-second t-shirt fold saved me over 14 seconds of laundry time.
The complex and dark secret behind one of the world's most simple card tricks, courtesy of Cracked.com.
Porno titles that should exist, but don't
The two-second t-shirt fold saved me over 14 seconds of laundry time.
The complex and dark secret behind one of the world's most simple card tricks, courtesy of Cracked.com.
9.03.2008
dogs are forever in the push-up position
Remember the "Trapped in an Elevator" video? Well, check out my new favorite parody (besides "Trapped in an Elevator with Diarrhea"), "Stuck on an Escalator."
60 Minutes interviews Stephen Colbert...prepare for 12 minutes of absolute genius.
Happy 10th birthday, The Big Lebowski; here's the review by Siskel & Ebert when the movie first hit the big screen. Mad props to my boy Roger Ebert. (source)
60 Minutes interviews Stephen Colbert...prepare for 12 minutes of absolute genius.
Happy 10th birthday, The Big Lebowski; here's the review by Siskel & Ebert when the movie first hit the big screen. Mad props to my boy Roger Ebert. (source)
9.02.2008
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