a lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage

JOKE DAY
Please, try not to be offended and/or a douche.

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A Mexican guy, black guy, and an Asian guy are all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about the day’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.

He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately got to work.

At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work" to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work" to the black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"

All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

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During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.

He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"

The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

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A six-year old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it’s about time we started cussing. The four-year-old nods his head in approval. The six-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.'" The four-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the four-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

I don’t know, he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!"