hey, where are my snowballs? i was gonna go to the gym later, so i deserve a treat

I don't mean to tease you all (yes, all three of you) into thinking this blog posting thing is returning to its original regularity, I just thought I'd make better use of my Web surfing by sharing all of my incredible finds in this convenient format (wait a minute, wasn't that why I started this in the first place?). Anyway, here's what I've been watching today while avoiding work:

6 a.m. Watched "Coraline." Mind, consider yourself f***ed. Seriously though, way better than I would have imagined...reminded me of the kinds of movies I used to watch as a kid, except way better.

9 a.m. For some reason, Pitbull's recent concert does not remind me of the Bruce Springsteen video where he pulled Courteney Cox on stage. It's close though. (source)


11 a.m. Zach Galifianikis interviews the co-star of his upcoming movie The Hangover, Bradley Cooper...as only Zach G. can. (source) Note: beware of adult language and intense awkwardness.


2 p.m. Naturally, I wasted an hour reading a few pages of texts from last night.
Personal favorites:

(602): 69 |D_O
(1-602): wtf does that mean??
(602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you f***ing some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently'

(610): yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
(215): what does that even mean?
(610): you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.

(805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex f*** buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current f*** buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

3 p.m. Nap.

5 p.m. Roommates have left for Vegas. Time to clean the apartment!

9 p.m. Need to kill some time before "Reno 911," so I thought I'd give FOX's new program "Mental" a go-around on Hulu. Conclusion: Dammit...it may be very "House"/"Lie to Me"-esque, but it still looks like I've got a new show to follow. At least now I've got a replacement for "Heroes," which I benched halfway through the season due to irreconcilable boredom.

9:45 p.m. Try again, Gilette.

10 p.m. Keyboard Gato.

what everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the thunderdome

Yes, it's been a long time. Three months and seventeen days to be exact. Now I know this may surprise you, but the life of a journalist is not always as glamorous as the movies make it out to be. Much of my time is taken up by writing, editing, watching TV, snacking and morning/afternoon naps. So, it's easy to see how I've been so distracted as of late.

So what's been going on lately? Well for one, I might just be the youngest editor of a South Florida recreational magazine directed toward the 35- to 60-year-old demographic. I know - it's quite an accolade to say the very least. I also recently completed my first "commercial" Web site, in as much as it's not for self-promotion. It's called Theatre Orchestra of Florida, "a unique professional ensemble that presents high quality concert programs, specifically tailored to medium and smaller-sized performance venues."

Probably the most important reason I have returned should be plainly obvious to anyone who claims to know me - all the best shows on TV have recently celebrated their season finales. I suffered a huge blow this week upon discovering that CBS would not be continuing one of the best shows they have ever produced, The Unit. If anyone out there is as die-hard of a fan as I am, do us both a favor and head over here to petition its cancellation.

Luckily for TV addicts like me, there's always another "score" ready in the wings...with summer commencing, the family-friendly network programs that I know and love can now be replaced by R-rated cable shows like HBO's True Blood, returning on June 14, and Entourage, on June 12. The always gritty-but-incredible Showtime shows will be coming back as well (sort of)...Weeds start its 5th season on June 8, but my personal favorite, Dexter, as well as dark horse Californication are set to start up again in the fall.

Looking to buy a new video game? Well then may I recommend Prototype, which will guarantee to both knock your socks off and soil your shorts. Check out some gameplay footage if you don't believe me. Too lazy to leave the house? Here's a list of Flash games long enough to keep you occupied for the next three weeks.

Oh, and since this is an equal-opportunity blog, it would not be fair of me to leave out my thoughts on what the music world has to offer lately, so hear are my personal songs of the moment:

eminem - bagpipes in baghdad
stay wide awake
beautiful

mgmt - time to pretend

rock kills kid - paralyzed
life's a bitch

green day - east jesus nowhere

Well, that's way more than I planned on writing on one afternoon. I guess it's "back to the grind," as they say...though I'm not sure if that phrase applies when you're ordering Chinese.

i'm a cool black guy

Pop culture drug references are all the rage

Newspapers are back! Starring a number of familiar actors. (source)


Is this real life?


The uncensored Natalie Portman rap has finally been released, and it is an absolute pleasure. Make sure to strap the earmuffs on the kids before pressing play. (source)

where we're going, we don't need roads

RANDOM PICTURE DAY

i thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night?!

There are two great things about this:
1) It's an adorable pug falling asleep.
2) What television program he is falling asleep to.

More cute things falling asleep here (Thanks Telfs).

OMG OMG OMG Baby wheelchair!!!!!1!!


I can't figure out why this video is funny...all I know is that it makes me giggle. Be warned, the language is 18+ (that means there's cursing).

rich 50 is middle-class 38

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



Where nerdy and adorable converge

Those Geico buttholes could learn a thing or two from this guy

how long have you been sitting there?! stupid eye patch!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

They're pretty cute when they're small (Try again, pervs).

Zach Galifianakis will enhance any music video

Nerdiest car evar

When Jean Claude Van Damme was a child (source)

i'm so mad, all i can do is dance!

How to turn a boy's game into a man's game.

10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard

You best be careful when you direct message on Twitter. It's d @, not dm @.

Death by Chocolate! Ashton Kutcher's greatest acting role to date

Is this beautiful or creepy? Either way, it distracted me for over 30 seconds.

Because you never know when this will come in handy (18+ for adult language)

There's one way to get back at an ex. (And if you want to see all the pics, check out the forum below on Digg. But ya didn't hear it from me.)

Test your hacking skills (as expected, I have none).

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (The best part, besides Kristin Kreuk, Michael Clarke Duncan and Neal McDonough with a goatee, is the very end - even though the whole thing is in some Asian language I'll never understand, the narrator still reads the title in English. Asian stereotypes FTW)


Some of the best 'shopping I've seen in years. Check out Brad Pitt and Vin Diesel in the most anticipated movie of my imagination, Thundercats!


Once again, Lily Allen proves that she's better than you with her incredible cover of Britney's "Womanizer"


500 RPM NERF Chaingun (source)

you ever notice how rollos make you drool?

MUSIC VIDEO DAY
Thought I'd bring some class to this site (sort of) with a collection of some of the coolest music videos from the last couple decades.

Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet (directed by Spike Jonze)


UNKLE - Rabbit in Your Headlights


Bad Ronald - Let's Begin


Beastie Boys - Sabotage


The Hanslick Rebellion - You Are Boring the Shit Out Of Me (18+ due to lots of foul language)


Framing Hanley - Lollipop (Li'l Wayne cover...oh, and don't be surprised when it takes until the 2:18 mark for the music to start)

when i held that gun in my hand, i felt a surge of power - like god must feel when he's holding a gun

An a capella tribute to John Williams. Because I'm artsy like that (thanks to Trent for forcing me to watch this)


This is why I need to stop saving up posts: I found this video like a week ago and intended to use it when I'd come up with a creative caption. Now it's taken off like a southern California wildfire and I'm behind the times. Whateva, I'm postin' it anyway, I do what I want.


Bret and Jemaine are returning to TV! Easily the best New Zealand folk music comedy duo on HBO, Flight of the Conchords was miraculously signed on for a second season. (Check out more of their stuff on HBO's site)

i framed a raccoon for opening a christmas present and i framed a bear for eating out of the garbage

TOP TEN DAY

1. Top 10 Tips to Commit the Perfect Crime

2. EGM's Top Ten Things We've Learned From Our Xbox Live Headset

3. Top 10 Things You Forgot Your Mac Can Do

4. 10 Most Unusual Houses of the World

5. 10 Luxurious Concept Cars and Designs

6. Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much

7. Top Ten Most Annoying Alarm Clocks

8. 10 Cool Secrets About Disneyland

9. 10 Epic Fails of Video Gaming Industry

10. 10 Clever Gingerbread Houses

i want to go to there

Infrequently Asked Questions

100 Dating Conversation Starters
- ineffective lines: 16, 18, 26, 33, 36, 49, 51, 56, 57, 72, 76, 96
- confusing: 53, 55, 85
- possibly awkward: 21, 75, 86

Yeah, I'd buy that camera now.

Hoooooly crap that's a scary crab

Don't they know that when they warn me to not try this at home, it makes it all the more enticing?

And they told me it was a ridiculous notion to one day own a penguin who would fetch me beer out of a fridge with a doggy door. My dream lives on.


MSNBC has some angry producers...if you listen really carefully, you may just to able to hear this guy unleash a curse-filled tirade that would make even Bill O'Reilly blush.

religious but with a wink, y'know?

songs of the moment:
shiny toy guns | ghost town
kanye west | love lockdown
robocop
bad news
see you in my nightmares (ft. lil wayne)
ludacris | last of a dying breed (ft. lil wayne)
paramore | decode

Nintendo Entertainment System of a Down

I'm sure I've posted this before, but my long term memory leaves much to be desired, so for good measure I'm throwing it up again. Back in the day this cyber pimp known as Bloodninja was the scourge of AIM, repeatedly pwning desperate girls on the Internet and/or men pretending to be women. This stuff is pretty inappropriate but entirely hilarious so watch at your own risk: The Saga of Bloodninja

Check out some super-creepy renditions of a few celebrities that you know very well

beer - now there's a temporary solution

Remember last week when I showed you all the coolest gifts to get your loved ones and/or me for Christmas? Who am I kidding, you've never read this site before unless you actually know me. Well, in either case, consider this list the exact opposite of last week's, with the exception of the "life gem."

This is why I could never get into Harvard: Their BioVisions team produced a video called "The Inner Life of the Cell" which is an absolutely stunning piece of eye candy. Find out more information here and watch a large version of the video here.

It's a sad, sad day when you realize that ants are much more intelligent than you or anyone you know will ever be. Check out the coolest underground civilization ever constructed, with the except of the City of Ember (source).


Sneak peek of Lost Season 5, because ABC loves giving me blue balls for the next month and a half.

it just seems awfully mean...but sometimes the ends justify the mean

This is for my friends and George W. Bush (nucLEAR), so that I don't have to correct you in person because I am a d-bag.

Avoid these malls when Christmas shopping with the kids

The most unnecessarily large trucks known to man. What better way to celebrate reduced gas prices?

So I found this cool/dumb DIY band/album maker. My band will be called Bare-bellied Hedgehog, our album will be named "remains and is immortal" and this will be our album cover. Put it all together and you get this:

(I think the album name generator may be a little sketchy. If yours comes up as "business known as gambling" then hit the button below it for a new one)

shut up brain, or i'll stab you with a q-tip!

There's something I gotta get off my chest...is anyone else feeling like Heroes is starting to be less of a treat and more like work? I mean, I gotta remember so many storylines and wait so long for developments...this is why they gave Lost a 6-season cap. Sorry guys, didn't mean to get all political on you.

I would super appreciate it if someone would look into this and tell me if they managed to repair their dent without also stripping the paint off their car

How to view removed or deleted YouTube videos...because who wouldn't want to see Beyonce doing a Superman dive down a flight of stairs again without the expressed written consent of her record label (found the camera phone version here)

If you don't want to go to Burning Man after seeing these photographs, you clearly suffer from temporary blindness (for the record how badass is it that last year's theme was Green Man? Talk about ahead of the trends)

Collaboration doesn't always work out

Now if only they could play the underwater level theme, I would be impressed

If this doesn't have its own screenplay within 6 years I will start donating money to charity

T-Pain. Ludacris. Kenan Thompson. Andy Samberg. Get out your parkas, the Blizzard Man is coming!


Here's a Samberg skit they wouldn't show on SNL (It's anybody guess as to why, but my first thought would be the extreme amount of cursing and/or a political conspiracy).

that explains why i always get an erection when i floss!

Happy Turkey Day!


I sense a Doublemint Gum commercial in this kitty's future.

Note to self: Never board a cruise ship ever. (Video is pretty long, so skip to 1:30 where things start getting interesting and 5:00 where all Hell breaks loose)

null - Watch more free videos

World record BASE jump off the Burj Dubai tower, a.k.a. the tallest building on earth (source)

i've never been so excited to see poop! well, maybe once

My Christmas list be DONE

Four words that make my body smile: Megan Fox Bikini Outtakes

FINALLY something cool happens in Canada. (Facts on it here)


That's one sneaky penguin.


Am I the only person who was not aware that Bruce Lee could play ping-pong with nunchakus (and kick ass at it)?

you left a voice, but it wasn't male

Yes, I'm reading Fail Blog again. I'm sorry, it's an addiction.

FAIL DAY

Flirtation fail





This is so badass that I can't even describe it.


Just wait for it. Trust me, it's worth it.


American Idol fail

More funny videos like the "American Idol Let Down" at Heavy.com

may cause dizziness, sexual nightmares and sleep crime

Those craaaaazy asians!

I could stare at this for hours. Or at least until the meds wear off.

Gymkhana might be one of the coolest activities on earth...it's basically drifting through an elaborate (not to mention hardcore) obstacle course. Ken Block knows what he's doing behind the wheel, and the 2006 Impreza WRX STi certainly doesn't hurt either. Needless to say, do not get into a car chase with this guy, because you will lose. Now, prepare to have your mind blown!


In case you were wondering what the definition of "oblivious" is, check out this interview with Sarah Palin from a few days ago. She pardons a turkey for Thanksgiving, then goes right ahead and gives an interview in front of a guy SLAUGHTERING TURKEYS. You can tell by the look on his face that even he's thinking, "Ummm, do you not notice what's going on here?" And then he continues with his death-dealing.