p r o c r a s t u r b a t i o n

hey, where are my snowballs? i was gonna go to the gym later, so i deserve a treat

2009-05-27T22:16:00.003-04:00

I don't mean to tease you all (yes, all three of you) into thinking this blog posting thing is returning to its original regularity, I just thought I'd make better use of my Web surfing by sharing all of my incredible finds in this convenient format (wait a minute, wasn't that why I started this in the first place?). Anyway, here's what I've been watching today while avoiding work:

6 a.m. Watched "Coraline." Mind, consider yourself f***ed. Seriously though, way better than I would have imagined...reminded me of the kinds of movies I used to watch as a kid, except way better.

9 a.m. For some reason, Pitbull's recent concert does not remind me of the Bruce Springsteen video where he pulled Courteney Cox on stage. It's close though. (source)

11 a.m. Zach Galifianikis interviews the co-star of his upcoming movie The Hangover, Bradley Cooper...as only Zach G. can. (source) Note: beware of adult language and intense awkwardness.

2 p.m. Naturally, I wasted an hour reading a few pages of texts from last night.
Personal favorites:

(602): 69 |D_O
(1-602): wtf does that mean??
(602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you f***ing some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently'

(610): yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
(215): what does that even mean?
(610): you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.

(805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex f*** buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current f*** buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

3 p.m. Nap.

5 p.m. Roommates have left for Vegas. Time to clean the apartment!

9 p.m. Need to kill some time before "Reno 911," so I thought I'd give FOX's new program "Mental" a go-around on Hulu. Conclusion: Dammit...it may be very "House"/"Lie to Me"-esque, but it still looks like I've got a new show to follow. At least now I've got a replacement for "Heroes," which I benched halfway through the season due to irreconcilable boredom.

9:45 p.m. Try again, Gilette.

10 p.m. Keyboard Gato.

what everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the thunderdome

2009-05-26T16:20:00.011-04:00

Yes, it's been a long time. Three months and seventeen days to be exact. Now I know this may surprise you, but the life of a journalist is not always as glamorous as the movies make it out to be. Much of my time is taken up by writing, editing, watching TV, snacking and morning/afternoon naps. So, it's easy to see how I've been so distracted as of late.

So what's been going on lately? Well for one, I might just be the youngest editor of a South Florida recreational magazine directed toward the 35- to 60-year-old demographic. I know - it's quite an accolade to say the very least. I also recently completed my first "commercial" Web site, in as much as it's not for self-promotion. It's called Theatre Orchestra of Florida, "a unique professional ensemble that presents high quality concert programs, specifically tailored to medium and smaller-sized performance venues."

Probably the most important reason I have returned should be plainly obvious to anyone who claims to know me - all the best shows on TV have recently celebrated their season finales. I suffered a huge blow this week upon discovering that CBS would not be continuing one of the best shows they have ever produced, The Unit. If anyone out there is as die-hard of a fan as I am, do us both a favor and head over here to petition its cancellation.

Luckily for TV addicts like me, there's always another "score" ready in the wings...with summer commencing, the family-friendly network programs that I know and love can now be replaced by R-rated cable shows like HBO's True Blood, returning on June 14, and Entourage, on June 12. The always gritty-but-incredible Showtime shows will be coming back as well (sort of)...Weeds start its 5th season on June 8, but my personal favorite, Dexter, as well as dark horse Californication are set to start up again in the fall.

Looking to buy a new video game? Well then may I recommend Prototype, which will guarantee to both knock your socks off and soil your shorts. Check out some gameplay footage if you don't believe me. Too lazy to leave the house? Here's a list of Flash games long enough to keep you occupied for the next three weeks.

Oh, and since this is an equal-opportunity blog, it would not be fair of me to leave out my thoughts on what the music world has to offer lately, so hear are my personal songs of the moment:

eminem - bagpipes in baghdad
stay wide awake
beautiful

mgmt - time to pretend

rock kills kid - paralyzed
life's a bitch

green day - east jesus nowhere

Well, that's way more than I planned on writing on one afternoon. I guess it's "back to the grind," as they say...though I'm not sure if that phrase applies when you're ordering Chinese.

i'm a cool black guy

2009-02-09T16:17:00.003-05:00

Pop culture drug references are all the rage

Newspapers are back! Starring a number of familiar actors. (source)

Is this real life?

The uncensored Natalie Portman rap has finally been released, and it is an absolute pleasure. Make sure to strap the earmuffs on the kids before pressing play. (source)

where we're going, we don't need roads

2009-01-31T15:04:00.009-05:00

RANDOM PICTURE DAY

i thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night?!

2009-01-15T10:55:00.001-05:00

There are two great things about this:
1) It's an adorable pug falling asleep.
2) What television program he is falling asleep to.

More cute things falling asleep here (Thanks Telfs).

OMG OMG OMG Baby wheelchair!!!!!1!!

I can't figure out why this video is funny...all I know is that it makes me giggle. Be warned, the language is 18+ (that means there's cursing).

rich 50 is middle-class 38

2009-01-12T19:16:00.000-05:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Where nerdy and adorable converge

Those Geico buttholes could learn a thing or two from this guy

how long have you been sitting there?! stupid eye patch!

2009-01-10T14:28:00.003-05:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

They're pretty cute when they're small (Try again, pervs).

Zach Galifianakis will enhance any music video

Nerdiest car evar

When Jean Claude Van Damme was a child (source)

i'm so mad, all i can do is dance!

2008-12-30T08:44:00.001-05:00

How to turn a boy's game into a man's game.

10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard

You best be careful when you direct message on Twitter. It's d @, not dm @.

Death by Chocolate! Ashton Kutcher's greatest acting role to date

Is this beautiful or creepy? Either way, it distracted me for over 30 seconds.

Because you never know when this will come in handy (18+ for adult language)

There's one way to get back at an ex. (And if you want to see all the pics, check out the forum below on Digg. But ya didn't hear it from me.)

Test your hacking skills (as expected, I have none).

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (The best part, besides Kristin Kreuk, Michael Clarke Duncan and Neal McDonough with a goatee, is the very end - even though the whole thing is in some Asian language I'll never understand, the narrator still reads the title in English. Asian stereotypes FTW)

Some of the best 'shopping I've seen in years. Check out Brad Pitt and Vin Diesel in the most anticipated movie of my imagination, Thundercats!

Once again, Lily Allen proves that she's better than you with her incredible cover of Britney's "Womanizer"

500 RPM NERF Chaingun (source)

you ever notice how rollos make you drool?

2008-12-29T14:29:00.001-05:00

MUSIC VIDEO DAY
Thought I'd bring some class to this site (sort of) with a collection of some of the coolest music videos from the last couple decades.

Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet (directed by Spike Jonze)

UNKLE - Rabbit in Your Headlights

Bad Ronald - Let's Begin

Beastie Boys - Sabotage

The Hanslick Rebellion - You Are Boring the Shit Out Of Me (18+ due to lots of foul language)

Framing Hanley - Lollipop (Li'l Wayne cover...oh, and don't be surprised when it takes until the 2:18 mark for the music to start)

when i held that gun in my hand, i felt a surge of power - like god must feel when he's holding a gun

2008-12-08T20:12:00.002-05:00

An a capella tribute to John Williams. Because I'm artsy like that (thanks to Trent for forcing me to watch this)

This is why I need to stop saving up posts: I found this video like a week ago and intended to use it when I'd come up with a creative caption. Now it's taken off like a southern California wildfire and I'm behind the times. Whateva, I'm postin' it anyway, I do what I want.

Bret and Jemaine are returning to TV! Easily the best New Zealand folk music comedy duo on HBO, Flight of the Conchords was miraculously signed on for a second season. (Check out more of their stuff on HBO's site)

i framed a raccoon for opening a christmas present and i framed a bear for eating out of the garbage

2008-12-07T14:28:00.002-05:00

TOP TEN DAY

1. Top 10 Tips to Commit the Perfect Crime

2. EGM's Top Ten Things We've Learned From Our Xbox Live Headset

3. Top 10 Things You Forgot Your Mac Can Do

4. 10 Most Unusual Houses of the World

5. 10 Luxurious Concept Cars and Designs

6. Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much

7. Top Ten Most Annoying Alarm Clocks

8. 10 Cool Secrets About Disneyland

9. 10 Epic Fails of Video Gaming Industry

10. 10 Clever Gingerbread Houses

i want to go to there

2008-12-06T00:21:00.001-05:00

Infrequently Asked Questions

100 Dating Conversation Starters
- ineffective lines: 16, 18, 26, 33, 36, 49, 51, 56, 57, 72, 76, 96
- confusing: 53, 55, 85
- possibly awkward: 21, 75, 86

Yeah, I'd buy that camera now.

Hoooooly crap that's a scary crab

Don't they know that when they warn me to not try this at home, it makes it all the more enticing?

And they told me it was a ridiculous notion to one day own a penguin who would fetch me beer out of a fridge with a doggy door. My dream lives on.

MSNBC has some angry producers...if you listen really carefully, you may just to able to hear this guy unleash a curse-filled tirade that would make even Bill O'Reilly blush.

religious but with a wink, y'know?

2008-12-05T11:40:00.002-05:00

songs of the moment:
shiny toy guns | ghost town
kanye west | love lockdown
robocop
bad news
see you in my nightmares (ft. lil wayne)
ludacris | last of a dying breed (ft. lil wayne)
paramore | decode

Nintendo Entertainment System of a Down

I'm sure I've posted this before, but my long term memory leaves much to be desired, so for good measure I'm throwing it up again. Back in the day this cyber pimp known as Bloodninja was the scourge of AIM, repeatedly pwning desperate girls on the Internet and/or men pretending to be women. This stuff is pretty inappropriate but entirely hilarious so watch at your own risk: The Saga of Bloodninja

Check out some super-creepy renditions of a few celebrities that you know very well

beer - now there's a temporary solution

2008-12-04T00:11:00.000-05:00

Remember last week when I showed you all the coolest gifts to get your loved ones and/or me for Christmas? Who am I kidding, you've never read this site before unless you actually know me. Well, in either case, consider this list the exact opposite of last week's, with the exception of the "life gem."

This is why I could never get into Harvard: Their BioVisions team produced a video called "The Inner Life of the Cell" which is an absolutely stunning piece of eye candy. Find out more information here and watch a large version of the video here.

It's a sad, sad day when you realize that ants are much more intelligent than you or anyone you know will ever be. Check out the coolest underground civilization ever constructed, with the except of the City of Ember (source).

Sneak peek of Lost Season 5, because ABC loves giving me blue balls for the next month and a half.

it just seems awfully mean...but sometimes the ends justify the mean

2008-12-03T00:01:00.001-05:00

This is for my friends and George W. Bush (nucLEAR), so that I don't have to correct you in person because I am a d-bag.

Avoid these malls when Christmas shopping with the kids

The most unnecessarily large trucks known to man. What better way to celebrate reduced gas prices?

So I found this cool/dumb DIY band/album maker. My band will be called Bare-bellied Hedgehog, our album will be named "remains and is immortal" and this will be our album cover. Put it all together and you get this:

(I think the album name generator may be a little sketchy. If yours comes up as "business known as gambling" then hit the button below it for a new one)

shut up brain, or i'll stab you with a q-tip!

2008-12-02T12:16:00.003-05:00

There's something I gotta get off my chest...is anyone else feeling like Heroes is starting to be less of a treat and more like work? I mean, I gotta remember so many storylines and wait so long for developments...this is why they gave Lost a 6-season cap. Sorry guys, didn't mean to get all political on you.

I would super appreciate it if someone would look into this and tell me if they managed to repair their dent without also stripping the paint off their car

How to view removed or deleted YouTube videos...because who wouldn't want to see Beyonce doing a Superman dive down a flight of stairs again without the expressed written consent of her record label (found the camera phone version here)

If you don't want to go to Burning Man after seeing these photographs, you clearly suffer from temporary blindness (for the record how badass is it that last year's theme was Green Man? Talk about ahead of the trends)

Collaboration doesn't always work out

Now if only they could play the underwater level theme, I would be impressed

If this doesn't have its own screenplay within 6 years I will start donating money to charity

T-Pain. Ludacris. Kenan Thompson. Andy Samberg. Get out your parkas, the Blizzard Man is coming!

Here's a Samberg skit they wouldn't show on SNL (It's anybody guess as to why, but my first thought would be the extreme amount of cursing and/or a political conspiracy).

that explains why i always get an erection when i floss!

2008-11-27T10:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Turkey Day!

I sense a Doublemint Gum commercial in this kitty's future.

Note to self: Never board a cruise ship ever. (Video is pretty long, so skip to 1:30 where things start getting interesting and 5:00 where all Hell breaks loose)

null - Watch more free videos

World record BASE jump off the Burj Dubai tower, a.k.a. the tallest building on earth (source)

i've never been so excited to see poop! well, maybe once

2008-11-26T00:17:00.001-05:00

My Christmas list be DONE

Four words that make my body smile: Megan Fox Bikini Outtakes

FINALLY something cool happens in Canada. (Facts on it here)

That's one sneaky penguin.

Am I the only person who was not aware that Bruce Lee could play ping-pong with nunchakus (and kick ass at it)?

you left a voice, but it wasn't male

2008-11-25T16:24:00.005-05:00

Yes, I'm reading Fail Blog again. I'm sorry, it's an addiction.

FAIL DAY

Flirtation fail

This is so badass that I can't even describe it.

Just wait for it. Trust me, it's worth it.

American Idol fail

More funny videos like the "American Idol Let Down" at Heavy.com

may cause dizziness, sexual nightmares and sleep crime

2008-11-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

Those craaaaazy asians!

I could stare at this for hours. Or at least until the meds wear off.

Gymkhana might be one of the coolest activities on earth...it's basically drifting through an elaborate (not to mention hardcore) obstacle course. Ken Block knows what he's doing behind the wheel, and the 2006 Impreza WRX STi certainly doesn't hurt either. Needless to say, do not get into a car chase with this guy, because you will lose. Now, prepare to have your mind blown!

In case you were wondering what the definition of "oblivious" is, check out this interview with Sarah Palin from a few days ago. She pardons a turkey for Thanksgiving, then goes right ahead and gives an interview in front of a guy SLAUGHTERING TURKEYS. You can tell by the look on his face that even he's thinking, "Ummm, do you not notice what's going on here?" And then he continues with his death-dealing.

i love catching people in the act. that's why i always whip open doors

2008-11-23T12:24:00.001-05:00

More creative ways to get from the ground floor to the second.

Since you'll never get a chance to sit in a real Ferrari. Get a job.

All I need for Christmas is an XBOX360 and this game (and apparently a bag for vomit).

I'm on hour 2 of viewing this site.

See, this is why the world needs editors like me.

I lack creativity.

For m'nerds.

I'm watching high quality YouTube videos from here on out.

How is it possible that this has been out for over a year and I've never heard of it? I need to pick up a newspaper...or read something besides celebrity and movie blogs. Nah, screw it, I'm not changing.

i think if you tell one kid that you don't love him as much, believe me, that kid is gonna try harder

2008-11-19T13:43:00.003-05:00

I've had Citizen Kane, Michael Clayton, I'm Not There, Casablanca and Before the Devil Knows You're Dead available to watch at any time and never started viewing them. However, I've watched Hod Rod and Shoot 'Em Up a combined 73 times.

Another beautiful and adorable CGI movie courtesy of DreamWorks

FINALLY.

Now THAT is how you make a Guitar Hero Commercial. Take that, Brett Ratner.

that's not gonna get us a ride, man

2008-11-13T11:54:00.006-05:00

FAIL DAY

Wheel of Fortune Fail

It ain't easy bein' fluffy.

Looks like somebody needs to attend a pimp-slapping seminar.

how many slices have you had, julio? how about you've had enough

2008-11-12T17:08:00.000-05:00

Now that's one lucky kid.

Look at that horse.

I'm sorry, what was that Joe?

The cutest cat in existence

that bird was trying to buy a stereo with my credit card

2008-11-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

Well, you gotta respect his tenacity.

Get me some of that sulphur hexafluoride stuff. I don't care if it's not safe to use at home.

Dude, that dog can frickin' TALK. Crazy.

Zach Galifianakis' twin brother is a dick.

if you're a gay guy looking for a beard, i don't do that anymore

2008-11-08T13:59:00.000-05:00

SNL DAY

I'm Brian Fellow! (Oh, and if you don't have Hulu, I weep for you)

Giraffes!

Best facial expression ever.

Kristen Wiig, if you're reading this, I love you. Even if you do have tiny hands.

I drink your milkshake!

Through good times and bad...

I'm pretty sure SNL gives Andy Samberg to do whatever he wants in the Digital Shorts. So, thank you Lorne Michaels, you made a wise choice.

Wait, OJ Simpson is that famous football player, right?

we'll auction off people, like in the olden days

2008-11-07T14:14:00.001-05:00

GAME DAY

Sorry for all of you who thought this post would be sports-related...if you haven't noticed, I could give two poops about any sport besides Gator football, and of course badminton...can't get enough of that badminton. Here are some awesome time-wasters for those of you with less to do in a day than me (a.k.a. Molly).

Dolphin Olympics involves flipping, swimming, rings and somehow the Moon. My high score: 3,282,163

N Game brings out the ninja in me - oh, and use Shift or Z to jump...took me like 10 minutes to figure that out because directions are for wussies.

If you don't get addicted to this, you might as well be dead to me.

How good are you at estimating? The Eyeballing Game will put your skills to the test.

How well do you know your world? This is like the eyeballing game but with geography.

Hedgehog Launch is the cutest game EVAR.

three of my nine siblings were adopted...and someday, i'm gonna find them

2008-11-06T10:43:00.001-05:00

Those craaaazy Germans!

Y'know, even though I'm excited to have a president who I can trust to understand what's going on in our world, there are certain things I'm gonna miss about ol' W.

Someboday tell me how South Park managed to have this ready less than 24 hours after it originally aired on TV. However they did it, I want to kiss Trey Parker and Matt Stone on the mouth right now.

Heidi Klum could sell rubbers to a monk.

i've traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!

2008-11-05T13:00:00.001-05:00

Yet more proof that giant spiders are one the rise and will eventually take over the Earth.

If you laugh at this, you're a terrible person. If you don't, you're a racist. Enjoy that conundrum.

In case you were wondering what the Budweiser "Whazzzzzup" guys have been up to (I wasn't).

Iton Man + Spider-Man + the Hulk = Badassery (you're damn right that's a word)

it squeaks when you bang it...that's what she said

2008-11-04T19:21:00.004-05:00

I hope you all voted today (Over 4 million people marked on Facebook that they did), because even though it's one vote and really doesn't count for much, you need to remember that we're the only young people left and we're kinda the smartest ones, with the exception of FSU grads.

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

she touched me in my swimsuit area

2008-10-29T09:05:00.000-04:00

It's my birthday bitches, and as a special treat, I'm sharing one of the sweetest presents I've ever received: a personalized birthday message from THE Jason Statham. Well, not really Jason Statham, but rather Lance from Filmdrunk's impression of the Stath, which, for movie nerds like me, is way cooler. Enjoy. (A special thanks to the one and only Molly Telfer for offering her body to Lance in return for this gift, I am eternally grateful.)

Oi, ‘allo, Jason Stafam ‘eah. Oy bet yous wonderin’ whoy oy’s got no clovves on, now don’ oy? Well first fings first, Oy’s got no clovves on cuz oy’s wearin moy fock’n birfday suit, innit. Cuz todaiy’s moy fock’n birfday, now doesn’ oy?
“Moy naime ees Chev Chelios, and todaiy’s da day oy wuz born.”
Oi, d’ya get that one? Loike, from dat fock’n movie where oy’s transpor’erin fings? Roighto, keep lahfing, ya cheeky cunt. But loike oy said, oy’s wearing moy fock’n birfdaiy suit cuz even though it’s not moy birfdaiy loike some cunt said before, it is your birfdaiy. An’ oy’m fock’n Jason Stafam, oy cahn’t be bovvered ta rememba every cunt oo’s fock’n birfdaiy it is dat daiy, now does oy? Fact is, you should count yourself lucky if oy’s even finkin about attendin your fock’n pahty. An’ oy am, on free conditions:

1. A propa dress code. Oy don’ weah shirts. No shoes, no shir’ ‘relse fock off, oy ain’ coming. Oy don’ do free fousand pull-ups a daiy for nufing, now does oy?

2. Fit birds. Roight, Jason Stafam doesn’ go nowhere wifout fit fock’n birds, cleah?

3. An’ dis is da most impohant one: Oy droive moy own cah.

who's the king of the demo?

2008-10-21T22:29:00.001-04:00

Awwww less Gina Carano kicking ass and Kimbo Slice getting his ass kicked in my life

These would look pretty sweet on my '01 Explorer Sport

Why must Eminem constantly remind us that he's back? I mean, it's not like I didn't know that it's been a while since he's had a hit. Who do you think you are, Mase? Anyway, thought over. Rumors are that this is a leaked chunk off his new CD, "Relapse", and it looks like he has not yet lost his touch.

Where politics, Palin, and the Pain Train meet.

i will not fail you, rainbow chicken

2008-10-19T18:50:00.001-04:00

You know how so many music videos rarely have anything to do with the subject material of the song? Well, this video shows what A-Ha's "Take on Me" would be like if they were forced to sing about what is going on in their video, and I love it so much that I want to take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

And equally entertaining, here's the literal version of "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears, another '80s classic.

everybody knows that the bird is the word!

2008-10-16T13:52:00.005-04:00

I like to call that an "official badass" tattoo

Dude, paint isn't that expensive

Holy crap, that Hayden Panettiere sure does have a dirty mouth on her. Aaaaand my head's in the gutter again.

See more Hayden Panettiere videos at Funny or Die

Selma Blair is pretty awesome. Sometimes it's better to face the paparazzi and just get their dumb questions over with.

look out, indy! it's steven spielberg and george lucas!

2008-10-14T14:59:00.002-04:00

Sorry the blog had been molested by videos and links filled with naughty language and sexual innuendo, but today is no exception.

Look out! Killer polar bear!

A very disturbing and yet strangely erotic safe sex PSA from France I'm guessing.
- the men's version
- one for the ladies

So wait, no one else liked The Wicker Man?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

I could do that blindfolded in my sleep with a bobcat gnawing on my inner thigh.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

tae kwon do is terrific for keeping in shape, but it's also a deadly serious killing system

2008-10-10T14:09:00.001-04:00

BEST OF CRAIGSLIST DAY
Warning: ~~may~~ will contain foul language.

Sober clowns are sooo two years ago

There has to be a better way to phrase that

Rock my world! (of warcraft)

Sometimes you just have to get it all out of your system, and you don't have a journal on hand

I have an autographed Chuck Palahniuk book, but I got nothing on this guy

Well that's one way to get back on your regular cycle

Hands down, the most amazing Craiglist post I have ever read

Please read before attempting to get ass on Craigslist

If these people weren't high when they wrote this, I will drink my own urine

This is no ordinary bicycle, and no ordinary Craiglist poster

Attack dogs are yesterday's protection...real men own attack kittens

Cat found - black with white stripes

I'm crossing my fingers in the hopes that this guy ends up finding his perfect mate, but I think his requirements may be a little too niche

STOP - Hammer time

And YOU thought that farting could never get you laid

If you were ever wondering how one person could spill grandma on another person...mystery solved

Some polite traffic recommendations to make for a more efficient world

it's not 'stealing' if you're family. but seriously, don't tell your mom

2008-10-09T11:00:00.004-04:00

This man goes to the patent office with some of his new designs.

He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."

"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"

"A fottle."

"A fottle? That's a stupid name. Can you think of something else?"

"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."

"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.

"A farton."

"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that."

"In that case," says the man, "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

My new favorite twitter account, besides my own.

The finest indicat and cativa strains

Are you not just a drunk dialer and texter, but also a drunk e-mailer? Well, Google now has you covered.

Have you ever wanted to BASE jump, but like me, lack the testicular fortitude? Well, check out this first-person video and find out how much fun you're missing out on.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Josh Groban pays tribute to some of our greatest TV theme songs...I may hate his music normally, but I'll admit that he rocks the house on this one.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Hey asshole! You forgot the ball!

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

say hi to your mother for me, ok?

2008-10-05T13:36:00.004-04:00

I mean come on, who hasn't broken into a zoo and fed lizards to the crocodiles.

The most stealthy doctor on Earth

As if I needed another reason to love Andy Samberg....best Mark Wahlberg impression EVAR.

Lil' O'Reilly is both cute and incredibly intimidating

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

well then somebody say something memorable, because this is our last stand

2008-10-02T09:52:00.002-04:00

13 facts about women that most men forget

14 facts about men that most women forget

It turns out that not all celebrities are brainless sacks of shit. Check out this ultra-cool voting PSA with more cameos than you can shake a stick at, given that you have a stick nearby. (Caution: naughty language)

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Jason Bourne isn't the only man who's difficult to find.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

this is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here

2008-09-30T13:41:00.002-04:00

Cat Drifting

Marry me, Sarah Silverman (Language is highly inappropriate and political in nature, so check yourself before you wreck yourself)

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

The Food Network is comprised of some sneaky SOBs

if god dropped acid, would he see people?

2008-09-24T15:54:00.001-04:00

Construct your own evil plan!

I think a lot of today's celebrities are leading double lives, or at least moonlighting

Trailer for Charlie Kaufman's new film, Synecdoche, New York (definition of synecdoche)

You know it's a good hit when you throw up your lemon-lime gatorade

This is why you should be watching Always Sunny, or not be watching it
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia - It's All About Poop

I hate when people are racist towards me in the elevator (18+ for language)

...and btdub, you totally did not oversell the eggs benny

2008-09-23T14:29:00.002-04:00

ANIMAL DAY

Barking cat

Ninja Cat

Spider Puppy

Huggy the Lion (full story)

who wants a body massage?

2008-09-21T20:33:00.000-04:00

RANDOM VIDEO DAY

Will Ferrell answers some unfiltered fan mail, hilarity ensues

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Pencil Face will haunt your dreams...thanks a lot SCAD

GI Joe PSA Compilation

Check out some fairly common skateboarding tricks at 120 frames per second (trust me, it's cooler this way).

My hero Joel McHale tries to explain the mystery that is Spaghetti Cat

Slow-motion lightning is super trippy, and drugs are bad (unrelated)

The Evil Kangaroo is just one more reason I'm frightened of Europeans

fleece it out

2008-09-20T11:41:00.000-04:00

LINK DAY

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Jonah Hill outtakes

Presto in HD

Top 10 greatest stoner movies

Holy crap this guy can dance...or at least do whatever it is he does

10 things to look forward to this college football season...prepare for sarcasm

Ron White takes a damn good mug shot

If you ever wake up in this place after a heavy night of drinking, prepare to be totally freaked out

Photos that changed the world...mostly

Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, Sean Penn and James Franco will make Milk one of the best movies of the year

Don't even try to Google Chuck Norris

icanhasacheezburger.com gets some new fuel

The new James Bond theme, composed by Jack White and featuring Alicia Keys

The Line Game will steal your soul as well as too much of your time

Here's a way for you to add more cowbell and Christopher Walken to your music in case you find this joke to still be relevant

Frame captures of the many movies that The Simpsons has parodied in its 19 years on the air

what's more important to you, a cat's feelings or your son's feelings?

2008-09-19T16:08:00.004-04:00

Just for future reference, this is the schedule of my life for the next couple months; let's call it my hibernation from social interaction. I pray to you, DVR gods, do not let me down.

TV SCHEDULE
(Premiere) (Time)

Sunday
True Blood (Sept. 7) - 9:00
Entourage (Sept. 7) - 10:00
Dexter (Sept. 28) - 9:00
Family Guy (Sept. 28) - 9:00
American Dad (Sept. 28) - 9:30
Californication (Sept. 28) - 10:00
The Unit (Sept. 28) - 10:00

Monday
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Sept. 8) - 8:00
How I Met Your Mother (Sept. 22) - 8:30
Heroes (Sept. 22) - 9:00
Chuck (Sept. 29) - 8:00

Tuesday
Fringe (Sept. 9) - 8:00
House (Sept. 16) - 9:00
The Mentalist (Sept. 23) - 9:00

Wednesday
Knight Rider (Sept. 24) - 8:00
Pushing Daisies (Oct. 1) - 8:00

Thursday
Always Sunny (Sept. 18) - 10:00
Supernatural (Sept. 18) - 9:00
The Office (Sept. 25) - 9:00
30 Rock (Oct. 30) - 9:30

Saturday
SNL (Sept. 13) - 11:30

SESAME STREET DAY

The Sesame Street writers have some twisted minds.

MOP's "Ante Up", as performed by Bert 'n' Ernie

a lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage

2008-09-17T14:19:00.002-04:00

JOKE DAY
Please, try not to be offended and/or a douche.

----------------

A Mexican guy, black guy, and an Asian guy are all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about the day’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.

He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately got to work.

At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work" to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work" to the black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"

All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

-------------

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

------------

A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.

He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"

The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

------------

A six-year old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it’s about time we started cussing. The four-year-old nods his head in approval. The six-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.'" The four-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the six-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the four-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

I don’t know, he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!"

i can read minds, but i'm illiterate

2008-09-16T14:44:00.001-04:00

Not all audiences appreciate Zach Galifianakis the way I do. Uploaded by the man himself.

See more Zach Galifianakis videos at Funny or Die

If you don't think this is cute, you are going to Hell.

Nice try, news anchors. Lucky for us ignorant voters, Jon Stewart has your number.

if you keep talking to your weapon like it's trim, everybody's gonna know you're a total psycho

2008-09-10T15:45:00.002-04:00

How to win a fight against 20 children. Because you never know.

The new phenomenon sweeping the nation: miniature rainbows!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Everything is more awesome in Slo-Mo, especially punches to the face.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Ever wonder what goes through a guy's mind wile he sits in class?

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

admission covers the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge!

2008-09-09T19:48:00.001-04:00

Redband (18+) trailer for Kevin Smith's new film Zack and Miri Make a Porno, starring Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, and a shit-ton of awesome cameos.

Somebody get me a yo-yo!

Those Sesame Street characters curse like drunken sailors.

a severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

2008-09-04T21:22:00.000-04:00

Kermit + Christian Bale = Kermit Bale

Porno titles that should exist, but don't

The two-second t-shirt fold saved me over 14 seconds of laundry time.

The complex and dark secret behind one of the world's most simple card tricks, courtesy of Cracked.com.

dogs are forever in the push-up position

2008-09-03T12:05:00.000-04:00

Remember the "Trapped in an Elevator" video? Well, check out my new favorite parody (besides "Trapped in an Elevator with Diarrhea"), "Stuck on an Escalator."

60 Minutes interviews Stephen Colbert...prepare for 12 minutes of absolute genius.

60 Minutes with Stephen Colbert
by Meowbay

Happy 10th birthday, The Big Lebowski; here's the review by Siskel & Ebert when the movie first hit the big screen. Mad props to my boy Roger Ebert. (source)

puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon

2008-09-02T14:00:00.001-04:00

RANDOM PICTURE DAY

so much love, but also so much information

2008-08-30T14:57:00.001-04:00

Some people just don't "get" the Bible

How to entertain a dog or a dumb person

Funny or Die gives my summaries for me.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

WoW fans, prepare for the newest sensation: WoWoW (World of World of Warcraft). That's right, you can now play a character playing World of Warcraft!

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

me fail english? that unpossible

2008-08-29T16:57:00.001-04:00

Now this guy knows how to grow a beard.

I don't know how to express myself clearly enough. I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS VIDEO. Narcelio might be one of the coolest human beings on the planet. For those of you not familiar with Capoeira, prepare for a treat. Dance fighting is one of the most awesome things in the world, and this guy must to be the king of it, or at least some sort of duke. Watch these moves closely and you'll spot him doing a one-footed backflip, no-handed backflip and a double backflip, along with a number of other moves that I thought to be physically impossible until seeing this video.

Ecstasy Cat loves rave music.

why does radio shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries?

2008-08-28T14:47:00.002-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The best IMDb page of a time

I am frickin' addicted to this game. It's complex, but not really. Just get the pink thing into the other pink thing. And get your head outta the gutter while you're at it.

Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves. (What, none of you watch 30 Rock?)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

police that moustache!

2008-08-25T16:36:00.003-04:00

COLLEGE HUMOR DAY

Japanese Goblin Sharks are the scariest creatures I've ever seen.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The March of Shame (not narrated by Morgan Freeman) is one of the funniest videos I've seen in 2008.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

College Humor's new editor shows his skills.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

who's gonna turn down a junior mint? it's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious

2008-08-23T19:43:00.005-04:00

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other a lot. One day, they both happened to find a lamp at the same time near a lake. In a lamp was a genie who said, "I will grant both of you three wishes."

The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle." And he got his wish.

The bear then said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish for a helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear (thinking how stupid the rabbit was for making simple wishes) said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females!" And he got his wish.

The rabbit put on his helmet, revved up the motorcycle and said while speeding off, "I wish that the bear was gay!"

Somehow, Hansen must have known that those transcripts he reads on "To Catch a Predator" would come back to bite him in the ass.

Image metrics makes regular CGI looks like Claymation

SNL Digital Short: The Mirror

There is no description for this video that could appropriately do it justice. Just imagine if the artist for the "See Dick and Jane" books that you read as a kid had a serious drug problem. Yes, it's that cool.

now I don't want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, i need a lawyer!

2008-08-19T20:42:00.001-04:00

BEST OF YOUTUBE DAY

Everybody loves a laughing baby (or at least 58 million people do).

Canon in D played on guitar, all learned using the computer - 48 million views

The second-most watched video on YouTube (the winner being Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne) - The Evolution of Dance.
96 million views.

do i have permission to touch your body?

2008-08-15T16:52:00.001-04:00

Coolest waterfall ever. Take that, Disneyland.

Yeah, I could totally do that. Watch the last 20 seconds for a sweet treat.

The Yo-Yo Guy

Full story

Best. Beer Ad. Ever. Probably NSFW (that means Not Safe for Work)

in norway, the fish is a demigod

2008-08-14T12:03:00.002-04:00

This is why I don't dress up for movies. Oh wait, it's because I'm not a virgin. Yes, that's right. I've had sex. With a girl. Consensually. No crying.

Nice try Dubya

Wrestlers: when you ask the audience for a chair to finish off your opponent, keep in mind that everyone is sitting in collapsible chairs. May come back to bit you in the ass.

Well, I know who I'm voting for.

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Adfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

"Over 200 New Yorkers recently walked into one of the busiest train stations in the world, New York's Grand Central Station, and at exactly 2:30 pm, all froze in place. There's one guy in the video who froze just as he was stooping down to pick up some scattered papers. Talk about commitment."(source)
Frozen New York:

are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

2008-08-08T12:29:00.004-04:00

MOVIE TRAILER DAY

Jemaine Clemente is back! Check out the Web site for his new movie Gentlemen Broncos here (worth visiting) and check out the trailer below.

Oliver Stone's W trailer

Role Models, starring Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin)

move it, speed! it's getting ugly out there!

2008-08-05T11:56:00.001-04:00

Only a journalist would have the balls to reveal the "secret" behind a Criss Angel stunt.

Note to self: just because the well-dressed man shuffling the cards is referred to as a "dealer," that does not necessarily mean he will exchange poker chips for marijuana.

I saw the trailer for Sex Drive and wasn't impressed. Then I watched this one. Starring James Marsden (X-Men, 27 Dresses), Seth Green (The Italian Job, Robot Chicken, Family Guy, Without a Paddle, Buffy) and Josh Zuckerberg (nothing), this could shape up to be a darkhorse comedy.

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by sega

2008-07-31T13:41:00.002-04:00

Mr. Belding (Saved by the Bell, SBTB for short) in Vegas, partying like a principal should.

Finally, the we can all enjoy the trailer for Harry Potter 6(or Half-Blood Prince if you wanna be a dick about it). Watch it in HD (and trust me, it's worth it) here.

i curse the day you were born!

2008-07-30T11:38:00.002-04:00

15 different ways to tie your shoe laces, which would be even more awesome if I didn't live in sandals.

Instant rim shot - perfect for any funny situation, and even better when something isn't funny and you just want to make shit awkward.

I want to live in a garbage truck. This thing is nicer than my apartment.

Funny graffiti and signs from around the world

Super-cool Flash video I will never have the skill to create

Ever wonder what that fire emergency button at the gas station does? Well, wonder no more, thanks to this brilliant woman.

Took me way too long to find this, but either way, check out the Madonna/John McCain mash-up: proof that you can combine two boring things and make them interesting.

the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences

2008-07-29T18:53:00.001-04:00

Zombie Harmony - the dating service for the undead (Get it? Zomb-E-Harmony, like the dating site? Aww, nevermind.)

Top 10 Racist Moments on TV - awesome for the soundtrack at the very least.

what father wouldn't like the guy who's nailing his daughter?

2008-07-27T14:10:00.001-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

MY main man NPH shows that he's more than just an incredible actor, but is also a freelance shoe fairy, not to mention one hell of a singer. You heard me right. And no, it's not a double entendre, it's Sesame Street, so get your head out of the gutter. Embedding has been disabled, so check it out here.

i just went from six to midnight

2008-07-24T00:39:00.000-04:00

I ask you, what is cooler: a Burberry Maserati or a chrome Ferrari? You be the judge.

Journey at the Center of the Earth: quite possibly one of the greatest and simplest parodies ever made. Rock on.

Knife-Gun!

they're like fuzzy tube-shaped rats

2008-07-23T13:15:00.003-04:00

Bloodsport: The Remix

Baby's First Internet

Yes Man: Jim Carrey's triumphant return to comedy. We missed you, James.

Dog Years: a short film from a dog's perspective. Multiple award winner, hilarious and heartwarming.

the night is darkest just before the dawn

2008-07-22T16:18:00.001-04:00

American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention

Best of Craigslist: the the drunk hottie who fell off my motorcycle

Every Olympic logo on record, dating back to 1896

The state of the web - Summer '08

Matthew McConaughey finally accepts that he was born to be typecast.

when cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

2008-07-20T13:17:00.001-04:00

Dark Knight PSA: Don't forget your sunblock!

Dark Knight PSA: UV Protectionfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

300 director Zack Snyder is making another graphic-novel-turned-movie called Watchmen, and hot damn it looks cool. Expect a big audience for this brand new look at the superhero genre.

atheism is a non-prophet organization

2008-07-17T01:48:00.001-04:00

50 movies that outgrossed Meet Dave in their opening weekends
- personal favorites: 18-19, 22-24, 27, 29-31, 45-50

Alternate opening to one of the greatest cartoon shows of all time, Duck Tales. Be prepared for a twist!

what if there were no hypothetical questions?

2008-07-16T13:53:00.001-04:00

Tucker Max and Michael Ian Black "fight" it out

Deleted scene from the season finale of The Office: I present to you "The Return of Troy."

Rampage Jackson knows how to use a truck

Redband trailer for Choke, the most anticipated movie in my living room

Trailer for Ghost Town, starring Ricky Gervais (the original Michael Scott, a.k.a. David Brent)

freedom means nothing if you're a slave to regular programming

2008-07-15T10:17:00.000-04:00

Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
(source: entensity)

How to ruin a picture

Tips for meeting your future self

Classic moment from The Office: Jim attempts Pavlovian psychology on Dwight.

Jim's Experiment on Dwightfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

yo, i'm serious about that kool-aid!

2008-07-14T11:09:00.005-04:00

First six minutes of Dark Knight...try to not get a boner. (source: filmdrunk)

Ever wonder what it's like to work at Dreamworks? Well, question answered.

Well that's weird: let's fill a subway car with identical twins to make it look like a human mirror. Well, I'm intrigued. (Fun note: Last Comic Standing fans will notice one of sets of twins is the Stone Brothers, who were recently eliminated.)
(source: improv everywhere)

now that's how you get pink eye

2008-07-11T01:57:00.004-04:00

4000 HITS DAY

A man met a beautiful blonde woman and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
"But we don't know anything about each other," she said.
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two-and-a-half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
"That was incredible!" the woman said.
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After 75 lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said, "I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi."

This just in: I finally have respect for Tobey Maguire. I mean, yes, Spider-Man 1 and 2 were amazing, but for some reason he still looks like a preemy to me. His verbal annoyance and succinctness with the paparazzi was one of the most impressive acts I've seen this week. And who can blame him: I'm fairly sure it's not legal to stand in front of a car and flash a bright light at it repeatedly, but then again I haven't taken my driver's test since I was 16. Be warned, the language is not what I would classify as "G-Rated", unless you're one of Samuel L. Jackson's kids. (source: wwtdd)

technically, if you can smell my fart, you are tasting my inner anus

2008-07-10T00:41:00.000-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

If you're excited for Tropic Thunder (international trailer below) you'll love Rain of Madness, a mockumentary about the "film crew" for the characters. Personally, I'm pumped for the cameo by Tom Cruise as bald, fat, foulmouthed director. Or for Robert Downey Jr. as both an Australian and a black man. Or for Danny McBride, the newest rising star in Hollywood (trust me, The Foot Fist Way is going to explode in theaters). Yeah, so anyway, there are a lot of reasons to see this. (source: filmdrunk)

it smells like somebody's been hitting the devil's lettuce

2008-07-09T05:34:00.001-04:00

Tucker Max's book has been adapted into a movie

Presto, the new adorable short film by Pixar. I love bunnies.

you just won the gold medal at the sexual special olympics!

2008-07-07T16:17:00.005-04:00

SORRY I'VE BEEN LAZY HERE'S A LONG POST DAY

A boy who lives with his grandmother can't find his missing drugs, so he goes to her and asks, "Grandma, have you seen my pills labeled LSD?"

She replies, "FUCK YOUR PILLS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE DRAGONS IN THE KITCHEN?"

24 Unforgettable Advertisements

What is being hailed as "The Douchiest Phone Message in History"

The film world takes yet another hit

Find me an IMAX in Gainesville by July 18!

My new reason for visiting YouTube

The YouTube video "Where the Hell is Matt?" has finally reached 10 million views, which means...pretty much nothing. The only coverage on this video will probably be on either Best Week Ever or Attack of the Show. Still, it is a pretty cool 4 minutes, especially if you enjoy watching some guy do a weird dance in a bunch of places.

And here is the follow-up, now at 4.5 million views, and aptly named "Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)"

The trailer for Know1ng, a sweet looking sci-fi thriller with Nic Cage.

i'm smarter than the average bear

2008-06-24T09:53:00.010-04:00

ULTRA LONG POST DAY

movie countdown:
wall-e: june 27
wanted: june 27
hancock: july 4
the wackness: july 4
hellboy 2: july 11
the dark knight: july 18
step brothers: july 25
x-files 2: july 25
the mummy 3: august 1
the rocker: august 1
pineapple express: august 8
tropic thunder: august 15
star wars: the clone wars: august 15
babylon a.d.: august 29
bangkok dangerous: september 5
burn after reading: september 12
choke: september 26
city of ember: october 10
saw 5: october 24
007: quantum of solace: november 7
harry potter 6: november 21
transporter 3: november 28
the spirit: december 26

Darkest comic I've seen in a while, and no surprise it's from Cyanide and Happiness:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Watch this video, if only for the last 30 seconds...one of the coolest skating tricks you're likely to see.

If you've never heard of Parkour (in the US it's called free running), then for the love of God check this shit out. All of these stunts are real - no wires, no stunt doubles. If you don't believe me, look it up and you'll see these same stunts being filmed on Handicams and for news reports. Just try to get past the Frenchness.

Ong Bak 2 is coming, not that any of you care. Watch this preview and you just might.

what's happening to our hood?

2008-06-19T14:57:00.001-04:00

Boston.com finds a whole new way to present a story - with huge pictures.

The Blowtorch interviews one of the greatest writers to grace our planet, Chuck Klosterman.

Geoducks are weird, and look way too much like penises. But they aren't.

Environmental Graffiti finds rocks that grow on their own

NO!!!!!

Go see Zack and Miri Make a Porno, starring these two esteemed actors.

everyone knows pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar!

2008-06-16T10:14:00.001-04:00

David Letterman owns Spencer Pratt, who just may be the least likable person on the planet.

Ed Norton and Brad Pitt sing The Penis Song, a feature that would have been added to the Fight Club DVD, were it not for the douchiness of Frankie Avalon.

i think my first time might be your best time too

2008-06-13T16:41:00.001-04:00

Uncontacted tribe photographed near Brazil-Peru border - incredible photo gallery
- original story

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse

This video is right around 3 million views. And for good reason. Check out the best unintentional Wii Fit ad ever.

Words that sound dirty but aren't are funny

where do you put the penis?

2008-06-11T14:28:00.002-04:00

MOVIE TRAILER DAY

Transporter 3, out November 26. Sadly, the words are French but the dialog is not, so try to figure it out.

Plus d'infos sur ce film

Redband trailer for Wanted, which I still think is badass. Best part: Morgan Freeman saying "motherfucker".

Vin Diesel is stretching out his acting skills by starring in a new action movie, Babylon, A.D. It looks awesome. Plus, any movie trailer that uses the theme from Requiem for a Dream is already a winner in my book.

Jay and Seth versus the Apocalypse: Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel (Undeclared, Knocked Up), stuck in a bedroom together after the end of the world. Yeah, this idea definitely wasn't developed with the assistance of weed. (18+)

send a maniac to catch a maniac

2008-06-10T20:03:00.001-04:00

BEER PONG DAY

The engineers of WVU show everyone how to build the greatest beer pong table of of all time. Next mission: lose virginity.

Amazing beer pong shots with self-obsessed emo chubby guy

More "extreme" beer pong with aforementioned emo guy, skilled friends and an awkward soundtrack

i'm used to handling large packages

2008-06-09T00:56:00.004-04:00

Transforming Short Bus

tv countdowns:
weeds season 4: june 16
burn notice season 2: july 10
psych season 3: july 17
terminator: the sarah connor chronicles season 2: september 8
house season 5: september 16
it's always sunny in philadelphia season 4: september 18
heroes season 3: september 22
the office season 5: september 25
american dad season 4: september 28
dexter season 3: september 28
family guy season 7: september 28
chuck season 2: september 29
30 rock season 3: october 30

Even the smallest change to your name can create a drastic effect.
Case in point: Sarah -> La'Sarah

you have the right to remain burned!

2008-06-08T11:42:00.001-04:00

CATBUS

Segways are the new Harleys

Movies are the new books...Sam Rockwell takes Chuck Palahniuk's Choke and turns it into this year's masterpiece.

Step Brothers Redband (18+)

you're killin' me smalls!

2008-06-04T11:18:00.002-04:00

So wait, why is gas so expensive again?

Because some people still care about space exploration

Hayes gets published

Hayes gets published twice

Hayes gets published thrice

Cell phone in a microwave - surprising results

Everything I know about music I learned from stuffed animals

wait a minute, this is the future. where are all the phaser guns?

2008-05-29T15:04:00.002-04:00

FUNNY OR DIE DAY

Chris Mintz-Plasse doesn't want you to steal movies

The McLovin' Fund

it's just like the titanic, but it's full of bears!

2008-05-27T20:32:00.000-04:00

A wedding photographer captures the Sichuan (China) earthquake - a startling juxtaposition of beauty and destruction.

An ex-Jack Sparrow spills on what it's like to work at Disneyland

What was it she said again? A compilation of the greatest line in all of comedy.

This video both entertained me and made me incredibly uncomfortable...that is the glory of a sexual abuse PSA. Don't spill the paint!

Really Creepy Sex Abuse PSA - Watch more free videos

you got it, dude

2008-05-24T13:21:00.005-04:00

The biggest drawing in the world: 'nuff said.

ACTING with James Franco Part III

The new song "Pork and Beans" by Weezer isn't bad, but the video is badass. Watch them bring in some familiar YouTube faces (Miss South Carolina, Numa Numa Guy, Chocolate Rain, Chris Crocker), along with some other celebrities (K-Fed?):

hey kid! how'd you like to play for the chicago cubs?

2008-05-23T00:36:00.000-04:00

I've never been more motivated to get a tattoo in my life

Arachnophilia: being a spider kicks ass

Porn + MS Paint = Art (18+, but just barely)

It's not lupus (any other House fans?)

Now THAT is some fine police work...also the most expensive speeding ticket in history.

preston waters, you know what you've got? s-t-y-l-e.

2008-05-20T16:29:00.003-04:00

Nudibranches are a type of sea slug that have come in basically every variety of shape and color, and I want one as a pet.

Tropic Thunder Redband (R-rated) trailer...tell me you won't be seeing this.

Check out two of my favorite musical artists covering one of the most famous songs of all time:

Ben Folds' cover of 'Tiny Dancer' (no, it's not embedded, you lazy bastard)

Dave Grohl's cover of 'Tiny Dancer', on the late Late Night with Craig Kilborn

i hear the jury's still out on science

2008-05-18T16:30:00.001-04:00

With 17 kids and their 18th on the way, JimBob and Michelle have more than their hands full. Luckily, they have a house equipped with a video production studio, a deli, a pizza oven, giant walk-in closets, a soda fountain, and its own game room. Oh, and did I mention that all of their kids have names starting with J? Please enjoy the Duggar family.
(original source: dlisted)

Finally, they have a video game that chronicles my exploits.

Camera tossing - a new way to capture the world.
- The Camera Toss Blog

Liberty City vs. New York City - GTA4 certainly had its inspirations.

Remember the 7-year old who stole his grandma's car? Well, it turns out he's still up to hood rat stuff, and you won't believe what he's done now.

"Epilepsy Site Hacked With Seizure Images"

The accompanying story

i have a bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names

2008-05-16T03:58:00.000-04:00

Mavis Beacon is the Racer X of Typeracer

I like my volcanoes with a side of lightning

Are you a NIN fan? Well, free CD!

The best quotes are the ones that aren't planned
- a few of my favorites: 1, 2, 3

You'll know better next time, Dad

Adventure Time!

Now if you could only get them on a stationary bike, that would be impressive

There is somewhat of an advantage to academic anonymity

you can't fire me, i don't work in this van

2008-05-15T10:47:00.002-04:00

Believe it or not, this trailer is actually an ad for a new book by my favorite author, Chuck Palahniuk (Choke, Fight Club). The book is called Snuff, and my guess is that one of the main topics is pornography, which is not a stretch for Chuck. See you at Barnes & Noble on May 20th.

Just found the SECOND trailer (this one for Chitty Chitty Gang Bang) all thanks to the fine folks at Filmdrunk.

if i'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks

2008-05-13T16:09:00.001-04:00

Sign me up!

Real Wheel contestants don't need letters

The Macbook Air is not without its disadvantages

it's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist

2008-05-09T00:23:00.000-04:00

Monkey on a goat on a cup on a tightrope (you read that right) - many thanks to Telfs for this one, wait till about to 1:15 mark for the ultimate in craziness.

Making music's not that hard - just ask John Mayer!

i can lead a nation with a microphone

2008-05-08T01:16:00.000-04:00

Song of the week: Flobots - Handlebars

there are aspects of my personality that i can't control

2008-05-07T17:17:00.003-04:00

So addictive...very smooth Flash game.

The headline explains it all

There are so many things to love about this video.
1) This speech is for a high school valedictorian nomination.
2) This kid manages to simultaneously offend and entertain an entire school gym.
3) The school is in Canada.
4) You can only tell that it's in Canada because of the pronunciation of "out."

Famous Failures

hey now, be fair. everyone wants mr. toad's wild ride

2008-05-05T04:06:00.001-04:00

Well that's one way to describe the weather

Everything Frank Miller touches, or in this case draws, turns to gold...yet another amazing movie that I can't wait to see.

The Discovery Channel is so sweet that even their commercials are impressive. This one perfectly describes how viewers like myself feel about its programming.